NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Though President Joe Biden is a senile moron that has the mental and physical capacity of a rotting eggplant, he’d very much still like to project an image of strength. Hence why he wears his aviators everywhere he goes, keeps trying to roll up his sleeves and start yelling about this, that, or the other, and gave that ridiculous speech in front of a pair of Marines in their dress blues while a deep red light was projected behind him.
But, the sad truth for Joe is that he just can’t look strong. He looks like a mummy that’s somehow still alive, not a cigar-chomping generalissimo, whatever image he might like to project.
Example number one million of that was given on Saturday afternoon, when President Biden was attempting to speak on “American strength” to a “massive crowd” (for him) of a few dozen people.
Ranting and raving about how the “bad orange man” had “done nothing to project American strength” when he was in office because he was “so mean to our many important allies and partner nations, even calling the great nation of Haiti a ‘shit hole country.'”
Continuing, Biden went on to say that, under his administration, “America will only project strength, whatever the situation, but will also always endeavor to be…you know…the thing, nice.” Giving examples of that supposed strength looks like, Biden cited “all that cash” that he sent to “Hunter’s very nice friends in the Ukraine” and claimed that he had helped kill “a gazillion Russians.”
Describing the Russians as “racist homophobes,” Biden then went on to argue that “America’s diversity is its strength, as we saw during the massive protests that followed the murder of George Floyd.”
It was then that he embarrassed himself quite dramatically. Saying that “America is strong and so it needs a strong leader,” Biden got a bit carried away with himself and fell off of the stage.
The crowd tried hard not to laugh as the Secret Service agents that had been watching Biden approach the ledge with increasing worry rushed around Biden, trying to lift Biden back up onto the stage as he squirmed about and kept yelling that “a right-wing extremist” had pushed him off of the stage to “make him look bad.”
He then ran off to a Secret Service SUV and Dr. Jill had to walk up to the microphone and announce that President Biden had “been feeling unwell recently” and that he would need to “take an early break to get his energy levels back up so that he could keep defending America.”
Kamala, however, was watching the day’s events with obvious glee, hoping that Biden’s continuing embarrassments would give her an opportunity to take over as president.