NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Following the news that the Georgia Senate race would be headed to a runoff as the Peach State’s voters decide whether they want the black schizo who held a gun to his wife’s head or the black schizo that’s probably a communist and ran over his ex-wife to represent them in the “aristocratic branch” of the legislature (I’m sure all the descendant’s of Dixie’s greatest men feel very represented by those two), President Biden decided to give a speech in favor of Sen. Raphael Warnock, the incumbent black schizo that ran over his wife.
The speech went surprisingly well from a speaking perspective, as Biden made it all the way through without losing his train of thought and filling it with “um” and “you know, the thing”, using made up words or phrases that no one can decipher, or falling asleep on stage.
However, things got awkward and Biden was accused of “racism” after he started referring to Raphael Warnock as “Cornpop”. That came toward the middle of the speech, when Biden said:
“Look here, folks. Winning Georgia is real, real important. Can’t even describe the stakes down there. Here’s the thing, and people aren’t gonna like me saying this: the semi-fascists have the House. They do, they won it. So that means we gotta control the Senate, or else they’re gonna do some real bad things. Real bad.
“Luckily, we have a shot to win it still. Doesn’t have to be split, we might win it. But that means we gotta get out and vote down in Georgia. I know, I know, the candidates don’t seem great. But you gotta vote, we gotta have Cornpop win.
“Yeah, I know you might not like him, you might prefer someone with a different history. Cornpop and I go way back, and I used to think he was a bad dude. But we gotta win. We gotta. Ain’t no other option, Jack.
“So do what you must; hold your nose, close your eyes, hunch over your ballot, and vote for Cornpop. It’s what ya just gotta do, otherwise we’re gonna lose the Senate too, and that’s just not good, Jack.”
Sen. Warnock said that while he “appreciates the support of the president in the upcoming runoff elections,” he was “concerned that President Biden confused him with Cornpop” and think he needs to “attend sensitivity training to learn that it’s just not okay to say that all black guys look alike.”
Herschel Walker took a different tack, tweeting out that he “doesn’t mind being called Cornpop” and that he appreciated the President’s endorsement.
One anonymous Twitter account suggested that since both men have a history of violence, they just duel over the position and save voters from having to cast a ballot for either one of them another time.