NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, Senate Minority Leader and the guy who many argue is the leader of the RINO and Conservative, Inc. Establishment in the GOP Caucus, recently said the quiet part out loud by accident and let it slip that he wanted the GOP to lose the midterms to make his life easier.
That came when he was a bit drunk at a DC area cocktail party, having had more to drink than his usual one glass of chardonnay (according to our source, he had 3!).
Speaking to a frustrated GOP donor about the outcome of the midterms and why he wasn’t concerned in the least with how things went, Mitch said (the following conversation was captured on video by a Project Veritas reporter at the event):
“Look, Ted, look. It’s not all about any one election or taking power right now. I mean, just think about what we would have gained by winning the midterms and taking over the Senate: not much.
“A few seats, sure. But not enough to do anything! Not the 60 we need to really get things going. So it’d be a victory, but would put us in an awkward position. We’d have to start fighting, but never be really able to get much out of it. So it’d be more than the symbolic votes we can get away with doing when in the minority, but not really enough to accomplish anything of note.
“Worse yet, it’d mean those MAGA guys would have been not just vindicated, but also taken control of the Senate! We can’t have that, can’t have those loons taking power and extending Trump’s influence into our chamber. No, no, no, no, no. Can’t happen.
“But, with how things went thanks to some backroom deals I struck with the Democrats, we managed to win enough seats to be okay, but not enough to have to do anything difficult or whatever. Plus, with some stuff we had done in Arizona, we got to keep some MAGA people from getting elected, so that’s a huge win.
“So no, Ted, no I’m not disappointed. In fact, I’m quite happy with how things went, I think we did quite well at winning just enough seats to get more donation dollars next time while also not having to do anything substantive and in keeping MAGA people from overtaking our more traditional GOP grip on the Senate. I think that’s best case scenario, to be honest with ya.”
McConnell then stumbled away to find some more finger sandwiches, leaving Ted and the Project Veritas reporter in stunned silence.