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OOPS: White House Forced to Cut Feed after Biden Falls Asleep ON AIR!

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such.

    It was a rough day for Slow Joe Biden and his team at the White House. Why? Because when trying to give a speech on American vitality and weathering the storm of world events, Biden dozed off. The camera kept rolling and he was utterly humiliated.

    Biden, speaking about how America can make it through the current crisis, said:

    It’s no big deal, Jack. It’s no big deal. This is America! If you gotta pay some more for some blueberries so we can do the thing over there with the people [probably meaning something having to do with Russia, though that’s uncertain] then so be it!

    “Back in the day we sacrificed to beat the mustache man, just like we gotta do now with the mean bald man! Ya hear that?! America can beat this storm, Jack. We just gotta stay strong and keep fighting.

    “And I’m confident we can, okay? America is strong, we’ve got the best…uhh…you know, the well, ya we…

    It was then that Biden fell asleep, his head falling down on his chest like the marionette string had been cut.

    However, given the angle of the camera and his slow pace throughout the press conference, the cameraman wasn’t sure if Biden was just looking at his notes and unsure of what to say, or if something else was going on.

    So, the camera just kept rolling as Biden’s head remained tilted down and he remained awkwardly silent, not speaking or giving any indication what was going on. However, as his breathing was still obvious, no one worried he was dead, which was good and made the whole thing less stressful.

    Biden then started snoring, which was audible because of the microphone on his suit, at which point everyone grasped that he’d fallen asleep and the camera feed was quickly cut, with the White House later citing “technical difficulties” as the reason for the feed being cut.

    Later in the day, Jen Psaki was asked about the incident, called “Napgate” by unclever people on Twitter, and had this to say:

    Well, the president has been working very hard lately, putting in the hours to make America better. That means he’s stayed up late at night despite his advanced age, worked all day when he’d rather be napping, and hasn’t gotten the rest he needs. It looks like the exhaustion of the office just caught up with him.

    “Also, the room was quite warm, which makes him drowsy, and we found out that he’d accidentally been given decaf coffee rather than caffeinated coffee, which was obviously not helpful.

    Everyone in the press pool, including Democrats working for CNN, then started laughing, obviously unconvinced that Biden fell asleep because some staffer brought him decaf coffee.

    The White House, however, refused to elaborate further about Biden’s health or stamina, gradually drifting more toward the coffee excuse, leading the same group of entirely unclever people to switch from calling it “Napgate” to calling it “Coffeegate”.

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