NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things went from particularly bad to somehow even worse for the Biden Administration when, during a press conference meant to convince the world that the US didn’t blow up the Nordstream pipelines, Brandon wandered off stage and went missing. He was later found screaming at a random black guy that his dementia-addled brain thought was Cornpop.
What happened was, as video evidence attests, Biden gave a forgettable speech about America being “committed to peace” and being a “global force for good,” comments which drew snickers from the crowd of reporters, most of whom remembered the blood-drenched streets of Iraq that still hasn’t recovered from our invasion, the degeneracy we’ve pushed on all of the Western world, the gay flag our embassy waved in Kabul, and our constant meddling in the internal political affairs of every other nation on Earth.
He then walked off the stage and John Kirby, who has increasingly taken over for Karine Jean-Pierre during important press briefings because of how incompetent she is, started giving a speech about how the “Navy SEALs couldn’t have done it” because “they would already be bragging about it on CNBC while practically begging for book deals about mostly made up events.”
As people focused on that and realized that, far as explanations and excuses go, it was a pretty good and true one, Biden kept walking and disappeared from the camera frame entirely. The Secret Service stopped watching him, thinking someone else would handle him, and so Biden made it all the way to the parking lot of the building.
There he saw a middle-aged, muscular black guy who was working as a parking attendant for the facility. Thinking the guy was Cornpop, Biden started yelling at the guy and calling on security to “get him away from the pool.” That drew a crowd of people, many of whom started recording or live streaming the senile president yelling at some random black guy who had been hard at work.
Needless to say, that didn’t make Biden look good, and Kamala was, according to our Secret Service source, giving him the evil eye for the rest of the day, though she refrained from saying anything to his face.
In any case, Dr. Jill eventually rescued Biden from the situation, following the trail of chairs and desks he had bumped out of the way to find the exit route he took to the parking lot. She then grabbed him by the ear and dragged him back into the building while apologizing to the parking lot attendant for her husband’s “confusion” and pledging to fund a new, anti-discrimination initiative.