NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It’s another day in America, so it’s another day of humiliation for Slow Joe Biden and the parade of incompetents that make up his dysfunctional regime, this time one caused entirely by bumbling Brandon’s inability to just not act like a total fool with a brain more melted than ice cream on a summer day.
This time, Slow Joe Biden’s humiliation came from his tumbling off the stage during a recent speech on “American strength” at the very moment that he was set to talk about how America has grown stronger and more virile under his leadership.
Speaking on that point, Biden said:
“Look, folks, all those nasty Republicans, those fascists, racists, xeno- xene- xenlo…well, you know what you…well I…well, you know what I mean, Jack! They’re bad people! And they say I’m not strong. They say America is weak because our military is anti-racist now and is no longer transphobic or homophobic. They say we’re weak and the laughing stock of the world because of the premium we place on diversity! They say our refusal to tolerate bigotry of any type against people of color and the LGBTQ+ community makes us weak and divided!
“Well they’re wrong! Heck, we just killed one of those guys in Afghanistan. Zawa, Awih…al-Zawili, that’s it! We killed him with a ninja blade from the sky! That was pretty cool and very strong!
“And hell, folks, they even say that I’m weak and that my brain isn’t working! Heck, if my brain isn’t working then no one’s is working because I’m pretty darn smart. I can do math, write letters, and I was the one that ordered that strike on al-Zucchini in Pakistan! I know what I’m talking about, can remember things, and give a very good speech!
“So don’t listen to those lying reactionaries, folks. Old Joe might have a few extra years on him, but I’m bright and ready as ever to keep—AHHHHH!”
It was at that point that Biden tumbled off the stage, having just been pacing around and not really paying attention to where he was going and what he was supposed to be doing. Having been speaking for a while without a teleprompter thanks to the dozens of amphetamine pills pumping through his system, he got overconfident in his ability to not look like an idiot and simply tumbled off of the stage.
The Secret Service then picked him up and, not listening to Dr. Jill’s pleas to just brush him off and let him go back to speaking, rushed him away to the hospital. He didn’t break any bones but did sprain his ankle and, more seriously, pee his pants. Imagery of that was caught by media at the event, with many hilarious photos of it making their way around the web.