NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
President Biden sat down with the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom to speak about the continued need for economic cooperation between the United States and United Kingdom in the new century. Why they waited until a quarter of the way through the century to discuss such things was unclear…but, alas, the demented moron and Indian man finally got around to discussing what the US-UK economic ties should be in the future. Beginning, Biden said:
Today the United States and the United Kingdom are announcing the Atlantic Declaration for a Twenty-First Century U.S.-UK Economic Partnership to ensure that our unique alliance is adapted, reinforced, and reimagined for the challenges of this moment.
Over the last century, the essential partnership between the United States and the United Kingdom has enabled us to lead together on issues of global importance. Since the signing of the Atlantic Charter in 1941, we have worked together to shape an open and rules-based international order based on our enduring support for shared values. In the New Atlantic Charter signed in 2021, we underscored and refreshed this vision. Together, we also designed an international economic architecture that has underpinned our economic strength and helped to lift millions around the world out of poverty. Our essential bilateral relationship is underpinned by the closest cooperation on defense and security, a thriving economic relationship, leadership in science and technology, and deep ties between our people and civil societies.
He then went off the rails. “And what economic values are those that we want to advance? In the past, it was racist stuff. Capitalism, no regulation, low taxes…all the things that let white oligarchs prey on people of color. No more, Jack! No more. So what are we gonna advance? Gayness. gotta have more gay people, it’s important. Very important.”
“I mean, just look at Target and Bud Light,” the president said. “They were fine beers, or whatever..the retail thing. Heck, you know the thing. That was there and this is now, ya know? Yeah. Me too. But this was a new…this is, excuse…excuse me. This is a new world. No more hot chicks in bikinis selling you a cold one. Now it’s two dudes making out selling you that cold one. And that’s beautiful. I think so! Only those Super Duper Super MAGA crazies would say that that isn’t just the best thing ever. Got it? I do! Because that’s the new America. And we gotta export it to the UK. Soon they’ll have a gay guy on every billboard and a transgender individual on every beer too. Make sense, Jack?!”
PM Sunak looked a bit grossed out but, wisely, didn’t say anything so that Biden wouldn’t freak out.