NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things didn’t go great for Hunter Biden and Joe Biden yesterday, at which time the FBI announced that they’d made a very incriminating discovery regarding the Biden documents and what might have been going on with them.
Apparently, a Hunter Biden Craigslist post from 2018 showed that Hunter had been attempting to sell off the documents, which he thought were just presidential memorabilia, because he needed the money for his crack addiction and child support bills.
The FBI, releasing a statement on the matter, said “We recently discovered a post on Craigslist in which Robert Hunter Biden, son of the current president, President Joe Biden, offered to sell the documents to the highest bidder. Posting about them and why he was selling them in a post titled “PRESIDENTIAL GARAGE SALE”, Mr. Hunter Biden said, and we quote, ‘Got 3 boxes FULL of mementos from the Biden Vice Presidency. Lots of cool stuff about foreign policy, US military stances, and even war plans! Will go to highest bidder, but no low balls. I know what I have!'”
Continuing in the statement, the FBI added that “We do not believe that the post was a cover for espionage or a sale to the Chinese, as no sale of the documents took place. Given that he started the bidding at only $17, we think that most people thought the offer was fraudulent and an attempt to steal either money or personal data, as those scams were a larger problem at the time. Further, the documents were still in the Biden Family’s possession, so there is no cause to think a sale occurred.”
Hunter, in a statement about the documents, said that he was “saddened to learn” that the post was causing controversy, and that he “regretted putting in on Craigslist.” Adding to that, he said that he only created the offer because he “needed the money desperately to buy more crack and pay child support bills.” “Fortunately,” he added, “I was able to find stable employment with Rosemont Seneca that helped pay my bills and dig me out of that dark hole.”
He did not speak on why he set the bottom bid at only $17, though his crack-addled brain can probably be blamed for that.
President Joe Biden has not yet spoken to the media about the sale offer of the documents other than to say that he “did not know the documents were there or that they were offered for sale.” How he wouldn’t know that documents sitting right next to his convertible were in the garage is unclear, but it is the story he has been going with so far and he appears to be sticking to it.