NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Firing off a brilliant retort after being attacked by Team Biden constantly for having (somehow) raised prices in the US, with President Joe Biden being particularly fond of using the “Putin price hike” line, Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin demanded that Twitter and Facebook censor Biden for “spreading misinformation about the nature of the inflation problem in the West.”
Speaking on that in a speech widely cheered by the right in Western Europe, America, South America, and Russia itself, President Putin said:
“Listen, this nonsense spewed by the senile ice cream man in America is of no consequence to Russia. We are blessed with resources were are not afraid to sell and use, have a world-class military with top of the line equipment, are not overtaken by wokeness and so are able to function well, unlike the West. Our currency is backed by gold, our requests by force of arms, and our word by national honor and a history of fair dealing.
“None of that is true in the West. They lie constantly for short term gain, have a currency worth nothing and backed by nothing, are so scared of the sun that they refuse to pump oil or burn natural gas, and have gone so woke that neither their military nor their civilian institutions can even function, much less defeat the Russian Federation.
“Regardless, I must request that Twitter and Facebook censor my senile counterpart in America. That desiccated husk of a foolish man has continued to spread misinformation, to lie about Russia and our security operations in the near abroad on the US dollar and prices in American supermarkets and American gas stations.
“Nothing could be farther from the truth. Prices are rising in America because its currency is worthless, its government incompetent, and its supply chains broken by having sent so much of its industry abroad. Things are bad there not because of the Russian people, who wish nothing but the best for Americans, but because it is a country ruled by incompetent, woke lunatics. And so Biden’s claims to the contrary must be censored; they are simply untrue.
“If you want inflation to end, if you want your economy to start working again, then do not blame Russia or attack us. We are not the problem. Your own government is.”
Trump described the speech as “genius” on Truth Social, with DeSantis and JD Vance joining him in cheering Putin. Most of the rest of the GOP Establishment, however, sided with the Democrats in describing Putin as “racist” and arguing that it was indeed the Putin price hike, not their decades of irresponsible spending and terrible policies, that are to blame for the Bidenflation disaster that is roiling the West.
Putin laughed off their “racism” attacks, saying that Russians were unconcerned by such labels and that he’d continue to speak the truth as he saw it, ignoring the complaints of blue-haired lunatics and corrupt old men.