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Report: All 3 of Biden’s Gay Staffers Have Monkeypox

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    One thing the Biden Administration has done its very best to keep hidden is that, despite his having hired Mayor Pete Buttigieg to be the Transportation Secretary, Biden doesn’t really like gay people all that much.

    A man of his time, which was like a century ago, Biden still is off-put by the idea of sodomy and isn’t all that big of a fan of having men that like to do that do each other around him.

    He manages to keep quiet about it, unlike Hunter Biden, who has gone on many rants about the issue, but it is known within the White House that he’s not all that big a fan of them.

    All that’s to say that, outside of Mayor Pete and that weird, cross-dressing TikTok personality hired by Jen Psaki to try and make the administration look better, there are only three gay staffers within the White House. Biden, for whatever reason, decided to cap it at that number.

    Well, in a shocking report from a leak within the White House, it was found out that all three of those gay staffers have monkeypox, which they apparently contracted after attending the same anonymous orgy in a DC-area bathhouse.

    Trying to discuss the matter in a sensitive way, Karine Jean-Pierre said:

    Well, look, see…ummm…well, so like, this is a disease that some radical right-wingers call a ‘gay disease.’ That is untrue and we at the Biden White House reject that insensitive, evil, homophobic description entirely.

    “However, it does appear to be spreading mainly in the men that have sex with men community, for whatever reason. So, like, there have been a few cases of it in the White House; three of our very valued gay staffers have contracted the monkeypox virus, and we wish them the best.

    “We do not think that there is reason for worry, however; it appears that the three gay individuals contracted their cases of monkeypox while attending a social gathering five nights ago at “Rashan’s Turkish bathhouse.”

    Peter Doocy then asked if Mayor Pete had been tested for monkeypox, which earned him a blistering rebuke from KJP, who called the remark the “most homophobic comment” that she “had ever heard” and reminded him that she was a lesbian.

    She was then forced to admit, however, that Mayor Pete had been tested for monkeypox and that he appears to have it, as do the two children that he and his husband Chastin adopted. She scuttled off the stage before Doocy could ask how the two young boys could possibly have a disease primarily spread by gay sex, though it was a question that everyone in the room was wondering and made things very uncomfortable. As yet, the question has not been answered.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

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