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Report: Biden Breaks Arm Falling Down Air Force 1 Ramp, Has to Postpone International Meeting

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    White House Press Secretary Karine Jean Pierre just announced that President Joe Biden would have to postpone his meeting with the leaders of “The Quad,” which includes the US, India, Japan, and Australia, though she didn’t say in the statement, why the postponement was necessary. Here’s that statement:

    After President Biden had to postpone his trip to Australia, the Quad leaders agreed that they would hold their summit in Hiroshima to ensure that the four leaders could come together to mark the Quad’s progress over the past year. So tomorrow, in addition to the G7, President Biden will participate in the third in-person Quad Leaders’ meeting with Prime Minister Anthony Albanese of Australia, Prime Minister Kishida Fumio of Japan, and Prime Minister Narendra Modi of India. Along with sharing strategic assessments, the leaders will welcome new forms of Quad cooperation on secure digital technology, submarine cables, infrastructure capacity building, and maritime domain awareness. President Biden thanks Prime Minister Albanese, as well as the Prime Ministers of Japan and India, for their flexibility, and he looks forward to rescheduling his trip.

    So, what happened? Why couldn’t Biden take a flight on Air Force 1 to meet with his fellow leaders in the anti-China alliance? Because he tripped down the flight of stairs leading up to Air Force 1…again. This time he broke his arm, sending him to the hospital and pushing back the trip.

    Such is what a White House insider told us, saying: “Yeah, so Biden was all set to go on the trip because Hunter had to travel with him to help the Chinese buy an Australian lithium mine or something. Classic Hunter. Anyway, they were getting ready to head over to Air Force 1 in The Beast, his limo, when Hunter and Biden got in a shouting match about Hunter’s need for “discretion” while on the trip. Blinken or someone told him about that. Anyway, they started fighting and Biden was in an angry and sad mood when he stormed out of the limo and to the stairs. So he wasn’t paying attention and tripped, breaking his arm. Then he started crying on the stairs and “Dr.” Jill rushed over. But she’s not a real doctor, so that was pointless. Then we had to do an emergency trip to the hospital to get his arm healed, and Kamala kept trying to bribe us to pull the plug so that she could be president. It was quite the mess.”

    The Biden White House kept its lips sealed as rumors swirled about the president’s unfortunate accident, though KJP did admit in today’s press briefing that the reason for the postponement was “unexpected.”

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