NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things in the Biden White House took an awkward turn yet again when, during an argument about crack cocaine and child support payments, Hunter Biden yelled “Santa is not real, you senile fool” to his dad, President Joe Biden.
Why was that a big deal? Because it turns out that President Joe Biden isn’t just the oldest American president ever, but he’s also the oldest Santa believer.
Apparently, no one ever told Joe that Santa isn’t real and, because he was always busy during his political career, Dr. Jill handled getting the kids presents, wrapping those presents, and putting them under the tree, Biden never had to find out that it’s the parents that get the presents and put them under the tree, not Santa. Dr. Jill jokingly wrote “From: Santa” on all of Biden’s presents until she realized that he actually believed in Santa, at which point she decided to do it seriously because she didn’t want to ruin Christmas for him.
Dodging the Santa question then apparently became a tradition in the Biden household, with all the kids keeping quiet after they learned Santa wasn’t real so that their dad wouldn’t be disappointed.
But all that came to a crashing end on Monday night. It was then that Hunter Biden, drunk and raging about the state of America under Biden, brought up Santa.
Apparently, what happened was that Hunter yelled at Biden to get the economy back on track and inflation under control because crack is now so expensive that he has to choose between buying crack or making his child support payments. He tends to choose crack, hence the court orders regarding his child support bills.
Biden then suggested that Hunter sober up and take a long nap to sleep it off, staying nice and calm despite his son’s rage-filled rant.
But Hunter wasn’t appeased and decided to snap about Santa, telling his dad that Santa isn’t real and forcing him to look at a video he had taken of Jill putting presents under the tree and taking a bite out of the ice cream cone Biden had left for Santa.
Biden then lost it and started screaming at Hunter, yelling about his many failures and saying that he was incredibly disappointed in how Hunter turned out. He then ran out of the room crying, upset that Santa wasn’t real.
Hunter went back to drinking and spent the amount he had just been given to meet his child support payments on some crack.