NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Everyone thought that it was just a normal day for Biden. He got off of Marine Force One and started walking over to reporters with an ice cream cone in hand, as is typical, and approached the reporters in the press pool while looking confused about why they were there (also normal for the senile president).
But then, things went a bit differently. Rather than being a) completely out of it or b) obviously evasive and not wanting to answer questions about what was going on, Biden was forthright. Or so he seemed, until people realized that whatever he was saying was about the exact opposite of what’s true.
For example, when asked about the balloon with China, he said “No. We’ve made it clear to China what we’re going to do. They understand our position. We’re not going to back off. We did the right thing. And there’s not a question of weakening or strengthening; it’s just the reality.”
Similarly, when asked “Is Kamala Harris is doing a great job at the border, Mr. President? Is Kamala Harris doing a great job with root causes of migration?,” Biden said “She’s doing a good job” and “Yes, she is.”
So he gave answers, which was a good, if surprising, start for him. But he didn’t quite seem right. Something was off, particularly given how wacky some of the answers were. What was that “something”? It was that he thought that it was opposite day, so he was trying to give the opposite answers to the reporters to “have some fun.”
Hence, when asked if the balloon would damage our relations with China he didn’t say “Heck yes it will. We’re not gonna put up with their espionage and subterfuge anymore but will rather respond with strength.” Instead he prattled on about understanding.
Similarly, if he didn’t think it was opposite day, he would have lit into Kamala. He’s been beyond frustrated with her for months now, particularly since her staying out of the spotlight on account of her many failings means that he has to be in it and can’t be napping. But, because of the “opposite day” miscommunication, he was very positive about her.
According to our source within the White House, Biden was terrified of what might happen after he found out that it wasn’t opposite day. That’s because Hillary Clinton had recently torched Kamala Harris, saying that she is completely incompetent. Biden worried that Hillary would take his comments as an insult and send the Clinton kill team after him over the perceived slight.
By: Will Tanner. Follow me on Twitter @Will_Tanner_1