NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Biden, as we all know, has been releasing oil from the American Strategic Petroleum Reserve in a desperate attempt to keep gas prices down as we head into midterms, making Democrats look at least a little bit better than they otherwise would given the constancy of the gas price crisis during his first year and a half and so in office.
Of course, the strategy didn’t really make much sense in June and July. Sure, gas prices were painful, but what effect could a few cent drop have on elections nearly half a year away? The members of the American public that make a voting decision based on such a small issue can hardly remember what they had for breakfast this morning, much less with what happened five months beforehand.
And, with Biden not filling the Strategic Petroleum Reserve back up after releasing oil from it, the strategy had a “due by” date: he can only use the gimmick a few times before the oil available is gone and it needs to be refilled, which would likely raise prices due to the added demand.
Well, Brandon, or at least someone inside his administration, finally woke up to that and realized that dribbling oil out of the reserve over months was doing nothing to help oil prices, wasn’t going to be something that would change midterm voting patterns much, and wasn’t a great strategic move in case America needed that oil.
And so the oil releases have stopped for now, with the government claiming that it is “husbanding” its oil resources. Feminists had a field day attacking Biden for that choice of verbage, but far-left feminist outrage wasn’t his biggest problem. Rather, the plan about what he was really doing with the stored up oil was.
That’s because, according to a source inside the White House that spoke Politico, the Hill, and Axios, Biden is just waiting to release all of the remaining oil in the week or so before midterm voting kicks off, then will spend as much as he has to to fill it back up so that he can do the same thing in 2024.
Speaking on that, the anonymous source said, “Yeah, Hunter was pissed that Biden’s no longer selling our oil reserve to China, but Biden realized that he needs to save up what he has left so that it can be used to help him out in midterms. So, word is that there will be no more releases until the week or so before midterms. Senior administration officials think that that’s the right time to get prices down while the stupid public will remember it and give the Democrats credit for the price decrease.”
Outraged Republicans pledged to write letters in response.