NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Appearing once again on CNN, Dr. Fauci recently made an odd comment, saying that he wasn’t “worried about Trump flying all over and spreading Covid everywhere” because Trump “won’t be able to fly much in the future.”
No one really knew what to make of that, as it seemed weird for Fauci to be talking about Trump’s travel plans. The two men certainly aren’t friends, so it’s not like they’d be chatting about upcoming travel. Similarly, Covid has been out of the news for weeks other than Biden saying recently that it’s “over,” so why Fauci would have any control over airline flights was unclear.
However, now we know what Fauci meant by his comment, if not how he found out what was happening: Biden’s Department of Homeland Security has decided to put Trump on the no-fly list along with 17 of his top friends and advisors.
Announcing that plan on Wednesday afternoon, Karine Jean-Pierre said:
“Well, look, the former president is very obviously a threat to our democracy. He’s mean. He’s a racist. He hates black and brown people. He launched an insurrection. Many of his supporters are fascists that deserve to die!
“Sorry, got a bit carried away. But you get the point: this guy and his enablers are huge threats to our democracy. So if we want to stay safe and keep our democracy secure, we have to keep him contained and stop his advisors from jetting around the country to meet with him or plan more insurrections.
“And so we’ve decided that it would be prudent to put them on a no-fly list and stop them from traveling. While we understand this will raise cries of outrage from the right-wing outrage mob, we think it’s the only way to keep America safe from fascism and our democracy secure.”
Trump responded with outrage, pledging to fly Trump Force 1, as he calls his jumbo jet, wherever he wants whenever he wants. He has so far stayed at Mar-a-Lago, though hundreds of Floridians have arrived in a massive convoy to escort him to the airport and onto the tarmac as there are rumors he will fly to Richmond, VA for a surprise rally alongside Governor Youngkin. DeSantis has pledged to keep Florida’s airports accessible to Trump, but has so far refrained from sending any troops from Florida’s state guard to escort Trump past the federal agents at the airport should he choose to fly.
Meanwhile, Trump advisor Stephen Miller was arrested in the Denver airport when attempting to board a connecting flight, with Biden tweeting out that the arrest “was a major win for our democracy.”