NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Following up on its pressuring Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook to suppress the Hunter Biden laptop from hell story back in October of 2020 when that story broke and risked handing the election to Trump thanks to how horrible it made the China-connected Biden Crime Family look, the FBI is now taking yet another step to protect Slow Joe and his crackhead son from being held accountable for their crimes.
What’s it doing? Scheduling “Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion” seminars on each and every day on which judges have signed warrants that would give those few non-corrupt FBI agents remaining at the Stasi seeming agency the ability to start digging into Hunter Biden and what he was up to.
That way, if a somehow still patriotic agent gets out of line and decides to actually start doing what the FBI is supposed to do and investigate criminals, the FBI can just schedule one of those DEI (or is it really DIE?) seminars and stopped from heading out to try and deal with Hunter.
Commenting on the massive number of DEI seminars that have been scheduled at both the DC office and field offices around the country, FBI Director Christopher Wray said, when asked by a BBC reporter if the number of seminars would get in the way of the FBI’s law enforcement duties:
“Yes, we understand that having so many seminars might not seem like something an agency that’s already overstretched when dealing with organized crime that certainly hasn’t become a worse problem thanks to the open border with Mexico, Chinese spying that’s been going on and getting worse for decades, and the Russian election hackers that subverted our democracy.
“But what could possibly be more important than diversity? Sure, checking out what the Chinese are up to with our defense companies might seem important, but is that really all that more important from learning about the lived experiences of trans women of color and morally righteous Latinx genderqueer polyamorous lovers? I think not!”
Wray was then pressed on if the seminars had really been scheduled to keep agents from going out and hitting the pavement in search of ways to hold Hunter Biden to account, with the same BBC reporter breaking out her notepad and readying for a fight on that front.
Surprisingly, FBI Director Wray didn’t even deny it. Rather, he just agreed and said “Yup. If we schedule these seminars all day every day and make them mandatory, then the agents that would break orders and go after Hunter Biden will instead have to sit in the conference room and listen to a plus size African American beauty model discuss how her stomach pains from eating too many bags of chips are racist. We think that’s a wonderful trade off.”