NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
According to a whistleblower within the FBI, America’s most Stasi-like agency had received numerous tips about a serial lawbreaker coming back to the US from a long trip to China and the Ukraine on which he had gone to collect money that he has not been reporting on his tax returns. Further, that anonymous individual had been a known drug smuggler, drug user, and was even suspected of having child pornography on his laptop.
Acting quickly to arrest such a person and get the props for having held a criminal accountable, the FBI did all that was in its power to start figuring out from where it could spy on the individual and start building the case against him, doing the background leg work on getting warrants and figuring out how to start investigating the individual more seriously once his identity became known, and even considered setting up a hacking unit meant to access his laptop remotely and see what illicit materials were on it.
Well, that investigation came to a screeching halt after the feds learned the individual’s identity. Why? Well because the individual, of course, is Hunter Biden, son of the Democrat and thus someone the agency can’t go after without making the left look bad, something it has no intention whatsoever of doing.
Commenting on that was our anonymous source within the agency, a committed American patriot that joined the agency after getting out of a short career in the Navy because he wanted to help protect the homeland from lawbreakers and the criminal class.
Furious with his agency for having turned into what seems like little more than a serially corrupt group of political hacks, he said:
“Yeah, it was infuriating. Other than figuring out who it was, we had this guy like dead to rights. Bank account info showing all the transfers and how he was making millions but not reporting it, along with sending a huge chunk of it to some small LLC in Deleware that a few different parties in the area were constantly pulling money out of. A hacking unit that was finding, and I mean this literally, utterly sickening images on his computer that showed him committing some horrific crimes against children around the world. I mean, it was just horrifying.
“And that’s before the tax evasion stuff gets involved. The IRS could have sent one of their shock teams after him.
“But, of course, that didn’t happen. Once we figured out it was Hunter that we were investigating, the whole investigation came to a halt and was shut down later, with all of us being told that the Clinton Foundation would have a chat with us if we talked about what happened. It’s just sickening corruption here man. Almost as bad as Hunter’s laptop from hell.”