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Russia Declares Itself New Guardian of Free Speech after Exposing US Government’s Role in Getting Tucker Fired

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Speaking at the United Nations on Tuesday, Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov exposed the shocking fact that Tucker Carlson’s firing by Fox News was done at the behest of the U.S. government, saying:

    “Perhaps it would be useful to consider how things are with freedom of speech in the United States. I’ve heard that Tucker Carlson has left Fox News. It’s curious news. What is this related to? One can only guess. But, clearly, the wealth of views in the American information space has suffered as a result.”

    Lavrov’s support for Tucker was no surprise, as Tucker had noted that Russia and its president, Vladimir Putin, are less of enemies to conservatives in the United States than the Democrats, saying, “It might be worth asking yourself, since it is getting pretty serious, ‘what is this really about? Why do I hate Putin so much? Has Putin ever called me a racist? Has he threatened to get me fired for disagreeing with him? … Does he eat dogs?’ These are fair questions, and the answer to all of them is no. Vladimir Putin didn’t do any of that.

    In any case, Lavrov then decided that that was enough of a lead in for Russia to displace the United States as a guardian and champion of rights such as free speech, saying:

    “Look, in Russia we only imprison those that attempt to destroy the Motherland. Speech is free, so long as you have the Rodina’s best interests in mind when you speak. Is that too much to ask? We think not, as do our people, who are very supportive of our policies. Meanwhile, in the United States, speech is only free if you are attempting to destroy the homeland! Subversives, radicals, enemies of Christianity can speak as they please…but the Heritage Americans, the men whose ancestors built the country, they are prohibited from speaking in defense of the land their ancestors died for! That is insane, and it is not what the world wants.

    “And so Russia will be the world’s guardian of responsible, free speech from now on. We will fight with all our might for sane policies, enabling countries to survive as sovereign entities and to imprison subversives, while also enabling citizens to live free as their ancestors did. We think that is very, very reasonable and welcome your support in our fight for freedom and against leftist subversion.”

    Other than the delegates from America and Western European countries, which have been largely overtaken by radicals that hate the lands they live in, the entire UN rose as one to give Lavrov a standing ovation and cheer his nation’s willingness to stand against the woke insanity coming from Washington and for a more sane approach to speech, freedom, and dealing with subversives that want to destroy the states they live in.

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