NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Following his recent tumble from his bike while attempting to ride it at the beach, Slow Joe Biden was forced by a worry-filled Secret Service to turn in his bike for a tricycle, which they described as “harder to tip over and fall off of”.
And so Biden, in a video sure to not help him project an image of strength as he struggles with the optics of his failing mind and similarly failing presidency, could be seen riding an ultra-large version of a little kid’s tricycle, furiously (for him) peddling it while trying to keep up with the Secret Service officers and Dr. Jill Biden, all of whom were riding actual bicycles for the Sunday pleasure ride.
The video was taken by a crowd of Trump supporters that gathered to heckle him, waving “FJB” and “Let’s Go, Brandon” flags while yelling about everything from inflation to Afghanistan, the Ukraine to gas prices. Biden, oblivious to it all, just kept trying to peddle and keep up.
But then the unthinkable happened: Biden, tired of looking like a four-year-old and riding his bike around, tried to hop off of it while near the spot at a crosswalk now marked as “Joe fell here” and, while trying to clamber off of the ridiculous, adult-sized tricycle, took another tumble off, scraping his knee and starting to cry while dragging his bike behind him and catching up to Dr. Jill.
The Secret Service then had to try and turn around the massive convoy of bicycles, SUVs, and other support vehicles to get to the president, put a band-aid on his scraped up knee, convince him to hop back on his tricycle, and ride it back to the house and out of the gleeful eyes of the Biden-hating public, which was mocking him and fake-crying as he sobbed about his knee and the embarrassment of being on a tricycle.
Thinks then got worse when Biden petulantly refused to get back on the tricycle and insisted on walking back (though he kept his elbow pads and helmet on”, so the tricycle had to be placed in the back of one of the ubiquitous Secret Service SUVs as Biden wandered off and Dr. Jill glared at him for making such a fool of himself and his presidency.
One member of the Secret Service team sent to deal with the issue later commented on it (anonymously, of course), saying:
It’s just frustrating. We have serious problems we have to deal with, serious things we’re supposed to be doing. But instead it’s like I’m dealing with my little kid at home, only this one is somehow even more difficult to deal with and less reasonable when it comes to arguments about what needs to be done. I can’t wait till my term is up and I can quit.