NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Many people know that the North Koreans are “the baddies” and tend to be involved in some nasty things, whether the assassination of Kim dynasty rivals abroad or the assistance of Robert Mugabe’s takeover of Rhodesia and turning it into the communist hellhole now known as Zimbabwe.
But, one thing about the North Koreans, or “Norks,” as Rush Limbaugh called them, that many Americans don’t know is that they use their embassies and consulates as drug trafficking hubs.
Business Insider, for example, reported on one such example of the North Koreans being caught doing that in 2013, saying:
A North Korean embassy in Eastern Europe received a large batch of illegal drugs from the North Korean government last year, according to reports in South Korean press.
The reasoning behind the plan was simple — cash. The Chosun Ilbo reports that the embassy was given orders to sell the drugs and send the money back home.
Well, it turns out that it’s not just in Europe that the Norks are doing that. They’re doing it in the US too, and just got caught selling crack to Hunter Biden, son of the senile president.
According to a Capitol Police Department insider who spoke to us on a condition of anonymity, Hunter Biden was seen slinking out of the White House in an entirely navy blue outfit (navy blue is, contrary to popular belief, better nighttime camouflage than all-black) around 2 am on Saturday night. A number of Secret Service officers, not wanting Hunter to get mugged by some DC hoodlum or homeless ruffian, followed Hunter out of the Executive Mansion and on a long walk to the sketchier side of DC.
There they saw Hunter approached by a gaggle of rail-thin, 5′ 4″ Asian men in trench coats and quickly discerned that it was North Koreans that Hunter was meeting with. Not wanting to be involved in a major scandal relating to Hunter’s crack cocaine addiction, the Secret Service agents decided to call the Capitol Police, who arrived promptly and arrested everyone involved.
It was fortunate that the Norks were surprised, as otherwise there might have been a major gun battle; each of the agents was carrying a concealed CZ Scorpion submachine gun that could have been used to put a wall of lead between them and the police or to shoot down the dimwitted son of the president.
Hunter was promptly released after shouting “do you know who my dad is?!”, with a string of Secret Service SUVs arriving promptly to pick him up and spirit him away.
The North Koreans have been disappeared, the source tells us, presumably so that they can’t tell the media that Hunter Biden was involved in buying crack and thus indirectly funding the rogue state’s activities.