NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Team Biden just announced a new “small business investment” program that it claimed would reignite the economic fortunes of America’s middle class. Unfortunately for those counting on it to create a brighter future, however, the program looks like just another Biden Crime Family money grab.
Announcing the program, Team Biden said, “In advance of Small Business Saturday on November 25th, the Biden-Harris Administration is announcing new actions to support small businesses—a key pillar of Bidenomics—and releasing new data that highlights the small business boom taking place during this Administration. Under President Biden, Americans have filed a record 14.6 million applications to start businesses – a sign that the historic investment in small businesses is driving confidence and optimism from entrepreneurs, and generating more resilient and competitive markets.”
Continuing, the program then noted the vast number of funds floating around for it, saying, “$50 million in American Rescue Plan funds will help thousands of small businesses access historic investment opportunities from the President’s Investing in America agenda. The U.S. Department of the Treasury is announcing awards of more than $50 million to 20 states to provide legal, financial, and other advisory services that are expected to help more than 10,000 small businesses owned by individuals from traditionally underserved communities secure loans and investments to grow and expand. These awards are being provided through the State Small Business Credit Initiative’s (SSBCI) Technical Assistance Grant Program – part of the American Rescue Plan’s historic support for underserved small businesses that is providing capital, building ecosystems of opportunity and entrepreneurship, and creating new jobs and economic opportunity. This announcement represents only a portion of the nearly $10 billion SSBCI funds deployed to states, tribes, and territories to launch and expand capital access programs for roughly 100,000 small businesses. Each dollar of SSBCI funds catalyzes $10 of small business lending and investments – resulting in tens of billions of new small business financing across the country through 2030. To date, the Treasury Department has already approved more than $8 billion in funding to all 50 states, and an additional $108 million in technical assistance grants to 32 states through the SSBCI Capital Grant and Technical Assistance Grant programs.”
But the footnotes and small text are where the problem came in: instead of being funneled into the middle class, to get any money out of the program you have to choose which of Hunter Biden’s business ventures you want to invest it in.
That is, the money won’t flow into small businesses across the heartland. Instead, small business owners can take out a loan through the program to then use to make a bet on Hunter’s lobbying activities and collect a share of the likely rewards from whatever he is up to.
Hunter seemed to already be snagging inflows from the program, as within a day or so he had already bought a new house in LA and a property in Beijing that he described as his “balling headquarters.” Biden said that he was “extremely proud” of his son’s “hard work and success” when asked about the program.