NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things went less than well for President Joe Biden when, during what was supposed to be an easy press op, he got humiliated by a frustrated, former supporter. That was during his “campaign call” event, when he spoke with a guy named Jose who donated to his 2020 campaign. Monologuing, Biden said:
“Well, look — everyone, hello. Jill and I, and Kamala and Doug, wanted to get together for two reasons, all of us. One, the first is to thank you. So many of you were with us throughout the incredible ride in 2020, through to this very day. We wouldn’t be here without you. And that’s not hyperbole. We’re counting on you to help us win this next time around. We can’t do it without you. Just look at all we’ve accomplished so far. And think about everything else we can do together.
“Let’s finish the job. We’re within reach. And that’s the second reason I wanted to talk to you. We need you. As Jill said, our democracy needs you. And that’s, again, not — that’s literal. Because this is about our freedoms.
“MAGA Republicans are trying to take us backward—“
That’s when Jose cut Brandon off. “Take us back to when,” Jose asked. “To when there was a functional economy? To when I could afford to fill up my truck, a truck I use to get to job sites…? Or back to when groceries were inexpensive and I didn’t have to choose between feeding my family and investing in my retirement plan? Are those they days they want to take us back to and you refuse to go along with? Because Trump made the economy work for the everyman. You’ve made it work for no man.”
Biden, stunned and obviously unsure how to respond. So he just kept reading of the script. “Our agenda is going to bring us forward and build on the progress we made to finish the job. Look, we keep growing the economy from the middle out and the bottom up, not from the top down. We said we’d do that. Let’s protect a woman’s right to choose. Let’s get Roe v. Wade—”
Jose cut him off again. “Good God, mano, what the hell is wrong with you?! Shut up about killing babies and that other woke crap. That’s not what I asked. You say the economy is growing and everything is sunshine and rainbows right now, but I’m sure not seeing that, brother. Instead my paycheck is worth, when taking gas, food, and rent into account, like 70% of what it was worth last year. And I can’t ask for a raise because my coworkers are getting laid off. So how bout you focus on the economy and avoiding an economic collapse instead of making it even easier for chicks to murder their kids?”
Biden then hung up on Jose and his campaign worked on finding a more docile person to talk to.