NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It’s another day in America and so it’s another day of our politicians focusing on what is happening half a world away in the corrupt oligarchy of Ukraine rather than here at home, where natural disaster are ruining the lives of those the American government should be putting before Ukrainian gangsters.
But, alas, it’s Biden’s America. So Americans are ignored and the country that paid his son millions is getting all the attention from Biden, who slipped up “bigly” in his speech for Ukraine’s independence day celebrations. Beginning, Biden said:
Today, the people of Ukraine are once more marking their Independence Day, while suffering the all-out assault of Putin’s craven war for land and power. For eighteen months, Ukrainian families have lived under the daily threat of Russian rockets and the reality of brutal attacks. But the people of Ukraine have refused to break.
On this Independence Day, as they have since Russia first invaded Ukraine in 2014, brave Ukrainian women and men are defending Ukraine from assaults on fundamental principles essential to every nation on the planet – sovereignty and territorial integrity. They are showing the world once more that freedom is worth fighting for.
Independence means the freedom to choose your own future. It’s precious. Each year on July 4th, Americans celebrate our Independence Day as a time to remember the price we paid for our freedom and all the blessings that flow from it. So today, as Putin continues his brutal war to erase Ukraine’s independence and redraw the map of our world by force, Americans all across the country stand united with the people of Ukraine.
The United States will continue our work, together with partners all around the world, to support Ukraine’s ability to defend itself against Russia’s aggression, to uphold the foundational principles of the UN Charter, and to help the Ukrainian people build the secure, prosperous, and independent future they deserve.
Then, continuing, he said, “And why do we stand so firmly with the Ukrainian people? Why must we be there for them despite all the dangers of thermonuclear war that are attendant with doing so? Because they were there for us, the Biden family. Hunter was down on his luck, struggling with addiction and being broke, and Burisma was there for him. They gave them a good job, gave him is life back…thank goodness Hunter helped take money from them, as doing so saved him. So since they were there for us, America will be there for them. Slava Ukraini!”
Even though the press pool listening was mostly leftist, one was annoyed enough to ask, “So, because your corrupt son collected cash from them, America’s going to risk World War III? All of this prosperity, a functional country, freedom, it’s all to be sacrificed on the altar of Hunter’s dividend check from Burisma?”
Biden said “yes” and then walked off, with a gaggle of Ukrainian-born security officers closing around him as he did so.