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“The Founders Never Intended for You to Own Guns”: KJP Stuns with Press Briefing Assertion

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Given that President Biden took an oath to protect and defend the US Constitution, is his Administration looking to fight on behalf of the 2nd Amendment by expanding gun rights? Lol, no. Quite the opposite, in fact. Using the one-year anniversary of the Uvalde shooting to score political points, KJP said, during today’s press briefing:

    Look, the families of these 19 children and 2 teachers, the 17 others who were injured, the entire community that is still mourning — they are in the President’s prayers. And so, you know, the President also was able to — he wrote an op-ed in USA Today where he marked the twin shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde and talked about how he believed those — those attacks became a catalyst for the passage of the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act.

    And while he’s very — he’s very appreciative of what Congress was able to do, there’s so much more to be done. We need to do — we need to see Congress do something more, do more, put forward some commonsense gun reform. That’s what these families deserve. That’s what they should be able to see.

    And, again, you know, it was a tragic, tragic day. You know, guns is certainly an epidemic in this country. It’s the number one killer of our kids in America. And the President is going to continue to ask Congress to take more action.

    Continuing, she added, “And, you know, the Founders never even intended for you to own guns. That was made up by right-wing radicals just a few years ago. Really, what they wanted was for the army to have guns. Because, like the militia was the army back then, so now that we have a standing army there’s no need for you to have a gun. That should be obvious, but racist Republicans want to keep their guns so that they can continue to terrorize communities of color.”

    An Argentinian reporter, obviously bored and wanting to just start a fight in the press room, said, “Why do you say racists are responsible, Karine, when your own FBI’s crime stats show that it is the black population that commits the majority of homicides? 61 or 62 percent, I believe, which is a very outsized share for their percentage of the population. To me, it looks like white supremacists aren’t actually responsible, is there data I’m missing.

    As could have been predicted, that turned the normally boring gathering into a zoo. KJP started screaming and crying while the police cuffed the reporter and dragged him out of the room by the hair. Meanwhile, the various other reporters involved started screaming at each other and accusing each other of “racism,” prematurely ending the press conference because the police had to intervene to separate fighting parties and get everyone out. Meanwhile, a black man shot 7 people in a random, gang-related drive-by shooting just half a mile from the White House.

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