NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Kamala Harris was put in charge of giving a speech on abortion rights for the Biden Administration, and that went exactly how one might expect when it came to her speechmaking skills and her flubbing the address with some cringeworthy moments.
Among those moments was, when beginning the speech, she declared that the right to kill babies with abortions is not just a “right,” but a “God-given” right that all Americans have thanks to the Lord. Making that blasphemy somehow worse is that Kamala, a kwanza celebrater, isn’t even Christian. In any case, she said:
And on the subject of Tammy Baldwin, I — I want to just mention Tammy because she had to go back to Washington for some important votes. She was here earlier. But I will say, Wisconsin, that you have in her an extraordinary leader. I had the privilege of spending time with her when I was in the Senate. Tammy is always fighting for the people of Wisconsin. And so, can we please applaud her for what she does? (Applause.) Thank you.
And moving on, I want to say that, you know, when we look at where we are as a country, we do no- — need those elected leaders. Among the leaders who are here — for example, Congresswoman Gwen Moore is here, another member of Congress — and all of the state and local leaders who are here, I want to thank you all for the work that you do to uphold one of our nation’s highest ideals: the ideal of freedom.
Freedom, I believe, is fundamental to the promise of America — freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom of assembly, the freedom to vote. In America, freedom is not to be given. It is not to be bestowed. It is ours by right — by right. And that includes the freedom to make decisions about one’s own body — not the government telling you what to do.
Continuing, she said, “That’s right! I said it! The Supreme Court is wrong because it is…well…the Supreme Court is wrong because it did not get this decision correct and it needs to get decisions correct to not be wrong! That’s just common sense! And where it went wrong is saying that the right to safe and legal access to abortion is a right! And here in America we believe in the…in the umm…well, in the rights that are good!”
“And we believe that those rights must be respected because they are rights and this is America. And in America we believe that rights come from God! Or the gods. Whatever you believe in. I believe in kwanza. But, regardless, the freedom to kill babies is God given! And that is a fact because it is true because I know it is a fact! And we need to admit that because…umm, well, we need to.”