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The Left Finally Announces “We’re Good, There’s Nothing Left We Need to Change”

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    The left has finally changed enough things, demolished traditional society to a large enough extent, that it’s ready to stop attempting to constantly effect a societal transformation and establish the world in their demented, degenerate image.

    Unfortunately, that change in mindset only happened in the year 4500, over two thousand years from now. It was then that the left had managed, through NKVD-like means, to extirpate every last vestige of the traditional society that many in the world used to enjoy and replace it with what the craziest of blue-haired people like. Having kids has been forbidden, religion has been outlawed, any animal-based foot, protein, or clothing has been made a capital punishment, heterosexuality will get you crucified, and no one is allowed to travel for personal fun..except for society’s rulers. They eat steak for every meal, travel around the world on their private jets, and otherwise do whatever they want.

    But, given that that’s just a few people…and they’re also the ones who, in any case, are calling the shots when it comes to when enough is enough, the head honchos on the left decided that society has been transformed enough and it’s time to stop changing.¬†Announcing that was Reginald Watson XVII, a man whose family has been wealthy since 2001, who is the appointed “Spokespersxn” for Left, Inc.

    He, commenting on the matter to a huddled mass of poor peons shaking in front of him, said “People of the world, you are finally free. We’ve managed to erase every last vestige of your oppression, wiping away all that used to hold you down. Whether in thrall to familial obligations, subservient to a phantom god living in the sky above, or anything else, you had a boot constantly on your neck. You were told to donate to organizations, told to believe in something higher than yourself, called to sacrifice for what you love. Not any more! Now we handle that for you and inform you on how to be a productive citizen. Your tax dollars fund charitable efforts and keep your fellow man fed. You’re told who to support, what causes to sacrifice for, and whom you should listen to and respect by your local commissar. We’ve solved those problems for you and replaced oppression with progressivism. You’re welcome. And now nothing more needs to change. The great wheel of history will come to a grinding halt as we bask in our blessed present.”

    The starving mob didn’t clap loudly enough, so the commissars surrounding Reginald gunned them all down.

    By: Will Tanner. Follow me on Twitter @Will_Tanner_1

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