NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Giving a speech on the Affordable Care Act, better known as “Obamacare,” President Joe Biden accidentally took to torching the care products offered by Obamacare as being utterly terrible, a position with which many conservatives would agree. Beginning the speech, he said:
Today, we hit a major milestone in lowering costs and ensuring all Americans have access to quality, affordable health care: a record-breaking 20 million Americans have enrolled in health care coverage through the Affordable Care Act marketplaces. With six days left to still get covered, 8 million more Americans have signed up for ACA coverage than when I took office. The Affordable Care Act is more popular than ever, and Affordable Care Act coverage is more affordable than ever. Thanks to efforts by my Administration, millions of Americans are saving hundreds or thousands of dollars each year on health insurance premiums, and most people who shop for coverage at HealthCare.gov can find a plan for $10 a month or less.
We must build upon this progress and make these lower health care premiums permanent. But extreme Republicans have blocked these efforts at every turn. Their plan would raise costs for millions of people, especially older Americans and small business owners who rely on the marketplace for their coverage, by repealing the improvements I signed into law. In fact, they want to repeal the Affordable Care Act, just as my predecessor tried and failed to do, which would strip these 20 million people of their coverage, end Medicaid coverage for millions more, and return to the days when insurance companies had free reign to deny coverage based on pre-existing conditions and charge women more than men.
That would be a catastrophe for families who would face skyrocketing health care costs. I won’t let it happen on my watch. As too many Americans know: access to quality, affordable health care can mean the difference between life and death, and hope and fear. That’s why I will continue fighting to bring down health care and prescription drug costs. I encourage Americans to visit HealthCare.gov before January 16th to sign up for health coverage this year.
Continuing, he added, “Too bad it’s junk. The plans, I mean. High deductibles, most doctors won’t take it, high monthly cost. No real point in actually joining in the damn program, since the cost is so bad, we just make ya do so because we want to. It’s Barry’s legacy and all. Big Mike, errr, Michelle, liked the darn program too.”
“So, anyway, we gotta say you gotta do it, but just remember that…ummm…well, uhhh, well it ain’t really all that great. Total piece of junk, the website and, uhh, and the plans or whatever. I would reform it, but, honestly, we in government have a different health plan than you peasants so I don’t really care that much. To be frank.”
Dr. Jill Biden then stormed on stage and grabbed him by the arm, leading him away from the microphone and off the stage before he could so much as offer a parting word to his bewildered audience.