NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Billy McGee is, at first glance, a normal seven-year-old kid. He plays baseball with his friends in his backyard, loves watching cartoons in the morning, collects baseball cards, and is a renowned Nintendo DS master on the school bus.
But recently Billy, after hearing a blue-haired teacher tell him that he could be anything he wants to be, decided that he’s not really a young boy. Rather, he’s a juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex, particularly when it comes to dinner time.
Billy, speaking on that decision to transition, said:
“Well I really like eating the dino chicken nuggets. They’re way better than anything else mom makes, like those gross veggies she wants me to eat! And I don’t like milk or fruit either, just the dino chicken nuggets. They’re yummy.
“So I looked at my dinosaur book and saw that T-Rex dinos also liked eating dinosaurs, and they liked to roar, which I like to do, so I decided that I’m one of those and mom can only feed me dino nuggets for dinner and lunch. They ate eggs too, so I guess I can have those for breakfast now.”
Though the idea of a child being a dinosaur that has been extinct for millions of years might be absurd to normal people, it’s important to note the Billy lives in San Francisco, CA. As such, both his mother and teacher wanted to be respectful of his “transition”, so they went along with it and made sure that Billy was only given dinosaur chicken nuggets and eggs for food, though his mom tried sneaking some Vitamin C in his diet to make up for the deficiency caused by his only eating eggs and fried chicken.
Commenting on that, his mother said “well fortunately eggs have all the vitamins necessary except for Vitamin C, so I’ve been finding ways to work that into his diet. I want to be fully respectful of his transition, but I don’t want him to get scurvy. I’ve resorted to telling him that ketchup is “dino blood” that a T-Rex would eat and that he can eat it because of that. I mix in “Emergen-C” before he eats it, so hopefully, that works.”
The decision to “respect Billy’s transition” ended, however, when his father returned home from a two-week business trip and found his son roaring and only eating chicken nuggets and eggs for every meal.
After confronting his far more liberal wife about the issue, the father simply said “Billy, dinos slept outside every night, rain or not. Do you want to do that? They also walked around naked, do you want to do that?”
Billy said “no” to both questions, and so realized that he wasn’t a T-rex, but rather just a kid that likes chicken nuggets, as should have been obvious from the start.