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Upon Hearing Latest US Military Policy, China Pledges to Fully Fund, Expand Its “Pronoun Warfare” Division

    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Recently, Breitbart reported quite a whopper of a story, finding that the military was demanding soldiers shower with transgenders and threatening them with disciplinary action if they didn’t go into the showers with the transgender soldiers. In its words:

    The slide instructs soldiers: “Soldiers must accept living and working conditions that are often austere, primitive, and characterized by little or no privacy. … Understand anyone may encounter individuals in barracks, bathrooms, or shower facilities with physical characteristics of the opposite sex despite having the same gender marker in DEERS.”

    It also tells soldiers that they should be “respectful of the privacy and modesty concerns of others,” but that “transgender Soldiers are not required or expected to modify or adjust their behavior based on the fact that they do not ‘match’ other Soldiers.”

    The training slides warn soldiers that violations of Equal Opportunity (EO) policies may result in disciplinary actions under the Uniform Code of Military Justice and that EO policies “apply to working, living, and recreational environment (on and off-post, during duty and non-duty hours).”

    Well, the Chinese had gotten a copy of that slide too and, upon examining it, realized that they didn’t need to develop fancy missiles, build expensive fighter jets, or bankrupt the nation building up a massive navy if they wanted to defeat the United States.

    Rather, all they need to do, as the defector speaking to us on a condition of anonymity about Chinese military plans describes their thought process, is to use a newly stood up and funded “pronoun warfare division” that uses pronouns that were in circulation about 2013 when dropping propaganda leaflets on US military bases or serving ads on the phones of servicemembers. Describing that, the defector said:

    Military equipment is expensive, so we were looking for an alternative to mimicking you and building large fleets of jets, ships, and ground combat vehicles. For years we found no solution, as with Trump in charge things were at least kept from getting too crazy in the military and you managed to keep a lid on wokeness, as you call it. 

    “Not anymore! Now all the crazies are wearing uniforms for you and readying themselves to…complain about racism in the military, or something. We figured that such a force doesn’t even need to be fired upon if it’s to be defeated. Rather, you just need to show it some leaflets about like “men being men and women being women” or whatever and those “troops” will absolutely lose their minds.

    “We tested that on a few Americans we nabbed when you fled from Afghanistan like a whipped dog and it worked beautifully. They were reduced to sniveling, combat incapable wrecks within just a few pronouns.”

    With that new division ready to fight, China is apparently planning an invasion of Taiwan, readying itself to use missiles to strike the island and pronoun bombs to mess with the minds of American troops.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

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