NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
President Biden was recently trotted out by the Administration for yet another disaster of a press conference, this one on how close America is with Germany. Given that his natural gas policy has wrecked Germany’s economy and forced them to revert to using coal power, you might think Biden would do a good job of keeping it together and keeping our ally appeased. Not so.
Rather, he kicked off a rambling speech about Germany and what he thinks the German PM has done for the country, then paused after just a few sentences to make a ridiculous remark about the Prime Minister’s name, must to the discomfort of everyone in the room with him. He said,
Well, welcome back, Olaf. Thank you very much for making the effort to be here. And, you know, it was about two years ago you and I met here, and you said the United States and Germany have to act together and — and do what’s necessary together. And we’ve been doing that. We got to continue to do it.
And, you know, Congress — we have to pass a national security spending package now. Our House members are being somewhat reluctant — and hopefully, it’s more politics than real, but — including funding for Ukraine and to help them continue to be able to defend themselves against the brutal aggression of Russia. But I want to thank you, Olaf, for your leadership from the very beginning. And you’ve done something no one thought could get done: You’ve doubled Germany’s military aid to Ukraine this year. And it’s really important. We got to step up and do our part now.
Today, we’ll also discuss the work to — just that we’re going to be doing together to strengthen NATO ahead of the 75th NATO Summit this summer here. So, you got to come back. And also, the latest developments in the Middle East, including hostage release — we have negotiations going on; increase in lifesaving humanitarian assistance to ci- — to civilians in Gaza — in the Gaza Strip; and preserve the space for an enduring peace for a two-state solution down the road. I think it’s possible. It’s going to take a lot of work, but I think we can do it. So, Olaf, thank you very, very much for being here. We got a lot to talk about.
Then, getting to the awkward question, Biden said, “Wait, so…so, you’re name, it’s, umm, it’s Olaf?” PM Olaf Scholz nodded and said “Yes,” looking very confused. Biden then started laughing uncontrollably, making everyone else yet more uncomfortable. Wiping a laughter tear from his eye, Biden said, “Olaf?! Really?! Like the snowman from ‘Frozen’? HAHAHAHA. I love that movie Jack! Err, Olaf. Well, heck, wanna build a snowman?!”
Biden then kept laughing and laughing as everyone around looked extremely uncomfortable. KJP ended the press conference there, with Dr. Jill leading Biden offstage as KJP did her best to ignore the chaos from Biden’s behavior.