NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Vice President Kamala Harris was again allowed to speak, with predictably terrible results, on Thursday. Doing so, she tried giving a speech on “reproductive freedom” and, predictably, it turned into a lengthy ramble on how babies don’t have “bodily autonomy.” Kicking the wild speech off, she said:
Freedom is fundamental to the promise of America. And what we saw over a year ago is the highest court in our land, the United States Supreme Court — the Court of Thurgood and RBG — took a constitutional right that had been recognized from the people of America, from the women of America. And since that ruling came down, we have seen states across our country — thankfully, not Michigan — but states across our country proposing and passing laws that criminalize doctors and nurses. Some provide for prison for life for healthcare professionals providing reproductive care to their patients.
We have seen laws being passed that make no exception even for rape and incest, which means these so-called leaders who are extremists are telling a survivor of a crime of violence to someone’s body — a survivor of a violation to their body that they — that survivor — have no right to make a decision about what happens to their body next, which, in my opinion, is immoral.
We know that, on this issue, the American people — the majority of American people agree with the leaders at this table, by the way, which is that one does not have to give up or — or in any way abandon their faith or deeply held beliefs to agree the government should not be telling her what to do with her body. If she chooses, she will consult with her priest, her pastor, her rabbi, her imam. But it should not be the government telling people what to do with their bodies.
Continuing, she said, “So bodily autonomy is important. It is! Because it is important to let people do what they want to do. Otherwise they are not free. They would not have autonomy. So that needs to be avoided. Because it’s bad. So we don’t want that to happen. We want bodily autonomy, which is good.”
“But that does not mean we want bodily autonomy for babies, of course. That would not be good because, umm, well then women wouldn’t be able to get abortions. And if they couldn’t get abortions, then they wouldn’t have bodily autonomy. Which that…that is, like we said, no good. Not having it is no good, I mean. So, so, we have to stop the babies from stealing women’s bodily autonomy so that women are free. Because that is what is important.”