NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Team Biden just announced that it would be bribing the minority population in America by spending yet more money on “minority enterprise,” whatever that means. In the speech, Biden announced not only yet another almost trillion dollars in deficit spending, but that much of it would be going to the Hamas terrorists in Gaza. Beginning, he said:
For too long, minority-owned companies had less access to Government contracts, keeping them from accessing some of the more than $650 billion spent by the Federal Government on purchasing goods and services. These conditions have made it so people who have the skills, the drive, and the determination to succeed are often unable to win in our economy.
My Administration is working to open the doors of opportunity to include those who have been left behind for too long. On my first day as President, I issued an Executive Order directing the Federal Government to use all the tools at its disposal to advance racial equity and support underserved communities, and we have taken steps to promote opportunities specifically for small disadvantaged businesses ever since. For example, in my Executive Order on Further Advancing Racial Justice and Support for Underserved Communities, I directed agencies to make efforts to increase the share of Federal contracts going to these companies to 15 percent by 2025. Within a year, we increased the amount these companies earned from Federal contracts by $7.5 billion — totaling nearly $70 billion in Fiscal Year 2022 alone.
In addition, the Small Business Administration (SBA) has supported billions of dollars in lending to small businesses that would otherwise struggle to access vital capital. As part of those efforts, SBA has supported over $4 billion in loans to Black- and Latino-owned small businesses. Since 2020, the rate of SBA-backed loans going to Asian American-owned businesses has increased by about 40 percent; more than doubled for Black-owned businesses; and doubled for Latino-owned businesses, reaching a record $3 billion in lending. Indeed, Asian American-, Black-, and Latino-owned businesses are seeing faster creation rates today than they have in years. We have provided billions of dollars in investments to support Historically Black Colleges and Universities, Hispanic-Serving Institutions, and Asian American and Native American Pacific Islander-Serving Institutions as they help build the next generation of minority entrepreneurs.
Continuing, he said that Gazans need aid too, so much of the money would go there. He said: “Look, Jack, this is important. Real important. The Gazans need our aid too. They’re minorities, aren’t they? Not like they can compete with Israel in, umm, in quantity or whatever, they’re discriminated against. And that’s a fact, Jack.”
“So we are gonna help em. Black people like Cornpop here in America need help because of oppression, are the oppressed Gazans any different? No sir. That’d be racist! And I ain’t racist, Jack. And that’s a fact. So we are gonna help them too. Half of the money, like $400 billion or whatever, is gonna go to supporting minority businesses in Gaza and the West Bank. That’s what anti-racism requires.”