NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
As America heads toward another election, Biden tried to burnish his foreign policy and anti-terrorism credentials by releasing a “National Days of Prayer and Remembrance” statement about 9/11.
Well, the Taliban found it and used it to make a hilarious video of the president, mocking him for his weakness in the face of their advance in August of 2021. The video began with an AI-generated video of Biden looking at his watch and eating ice cream while flag-covered coffins rolled past, with Biden’s voice said:
Twenty-two years ago — on September 11, 2001 — 2,977 precious lives were stolen from us in attacks of deliberate evil on our Nation. On the National Days of Prayer and Remembrance, we come together to renew our sacred vow: Never forget. Never forget the parents, children, spouses, friends, and loved ones we lost that day. Never forget the heroes who stepped up to rescue their fellow Americans and help our communities rebuild in the hours — and years — thereafter. And never forget our obligation to honor their memories and service by building a safer and more secure future for all.
To all the families of the victims who have had to endure the absence of a loved one over the last two decades, I know that 22 years is both a lifetime and no time at all. The very memories that help us heal can also open up the hurt and take us back to the moment the grief was raw — to the moment when a loved one and their dreams were stolen from us in an instant. Today, when that grief feels especially great, the First Lady and I hold you close to our hearts.
We also join all those who are mourning the loss of patriots who stepped up when their country needed them most. My mom believed the greatest virtue of all was courage and that someday the bravery that exists in every heart will be summoned. For many, that day was September 11, 2001. Patriotic citizens and first responders ran into the searing flames and crumbling buildings to save their fellow Americans. And in the years that followed, thousands more served and sacrificed to prevent another attack on the United States.
That’s when the fake speech ended and an apparent member of the Taliban who introduced himself only as “Ishtar,” said, “Yes, Mr. President, and though we warned you to withdraw methodically, many more died at the hands of ISIS…not us…at that airport suicide bombing. That was your fault. We were uninvolved.”
Continuing, Ishtar said, “But we were involved in one thing: beating you. We won. It was a war we won, without even that much difficulty in the end, because you are a cowardly dog that ordered an unnecessary retreat. And so we won, after all your decades of effort and trillions of dollars spent. Your country has that to thank you for, Joe.”
Ishtar was then cut out of the video, which proceeded to show 7 minutes of footage of the Taliban riding in their Humvees, seized in the US retreat, and playing with night vision and other captured weapons.