NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
In a wild moment on Monday, the White House trotted out Joe Biden, currently on vacation in the Virgin Islands, to speak about US steel import policy. Reading off a bland, dry policy statement document, Biden suddenly let his attention drift and embarrassingly explain how bribery led to his administration’s policy. Beginning, he started reading through the bland document, saying:
On January 11, 2018, the Secretary of Commerce (Secretary) transmitted to the President a report on the Secretary’s investigation into the effect of imports of steel mill articles (steel articles) on the national security of the United States under section 232 of the Trade Expansion Act of 1962, as amended (19 U.S.C. 1862). The Secretary found and advised the President of his opinion that steel articles are being imported into the United States in such quantities and under such circumstances as to threaten to impair the national security of the United States.
In Proclamation 9705 of March 8, 2018 (Adjusting Imports of Steel Into the United States), the President concurred in the Secretary’s finding that steel articles, as defined in clause 1 of Proclamation 9705, as amended by clause 8 of Proclamation 9711 of March 22, 2018 (Adjusting Imports of Steel Into the United States), are being imported into the United States in such quantities and under such circumstances as to threaten to impair the national security of the United States, and decided to adjust the imports of those steel articles by imposing a 25 percent ad valorem tariff on such articles imported from all countries except Canada and Mexico.
The proclamation further stated that any country with which the United States has a security relationship is welcome to discuss alternative ways to address the threatened impairment of the national security caused by imports from that country, and noted that, should the United States and any such country arrive at a satisfactory alternative means to address the threat to the national security such that the President determines that imports from that country no longer threaten to impair the national security, the President may remove or modify the restriction on steel articles imports from that country and, if necessary, adjust the tariff as it applies to other countries, as the national security interests of the United States require.
Then, wandering off the mark and rambling about Hunter and China, he said, “Well, so we could adjust them. But really we need to be more welcoming of foreign competition. If diversity is our strength with other things, why is diversity of steel suppliers not really our strength too? Don’t that make sense, Jack?”
Continuing, Biden said, “So what matters is that…well, China asked Hunter nicely if we wouldn’t mind importing more of their steel, even if that means putting a few of our businesses out of business, and I said that sounds fair. Imports are good for driving costs down…and they paid him a whole lot, so it only seemed fair to do what they wanted. Right?”