NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Following the recent hints Trump has been dropping that he has not been intimidated into silence by the Biden regime but rather will be running again in 2024, come what may regarding the Deep State’s inevitable racheting up of the backlash to 11, Liz Cheney had an important announcement to make: if the GOP doesn’t go along with all of her demands and get rid of the bad orange man that said bad orange things about her dad, the war criminal responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths in Iraq, then she’s taking her ball and going home for good!
Speaking to 23 people at what was billed as the “most important BBQ in America’s history,” Liz said, while her dad attempted to flip burgers behind her to appear like the “common man”:
“Friends, allies, supporters, this is the darkest day in the history of OUR DEMOCRACY. The bad orange man obviously intends on running again, and I just can’t allow that to happen. It’s unacceptable that he ever ran in the first place and letting him do so a third time would make me go absolutely berserk. So it just can’t happen! We have to fight it!
“This I pledge to all of you, and to the GOP, and to the Democrats: if the GOP does not stop Trump from running again, if it does not intervene to keep the bad orange man out of office, then I’m leaving! That’s right, I’m switching parties and signing up to be a Democrat.”
At that point, someone in the crowd said “Wait, I thought you were already?”
Liz responded that she was not, and so that man and all but seven of the other supporters in the room left, taking most of the snacks with them. Dick Cheney had not, at that point, managed to grill a burger without turning it into a hockey puck, so a chef was replacing him at the grill as he muttered about having the “grill factory bombed for its insolence.”
Liz was then left to speaking to about half a dozen people, the apparent remainder of her supporters, and got them all to pledge that they too would leave the GOP if Trump does decide to run again and no one stops him.
Despite having no supporters and being unpopular with all but 7 people in a nation of over 330 million people, Liz’s “Stop Trump” PAC has the best funding of any outside of the top few party-affiliated PACs. According to political and financial disclosure forms, Liz’s PAC has received over $8 billion from the top defense contractors, with Lockheed Matin, General Dynamics, and Haliburton (Dick Cheney’s former company that received huge contracts during the Iraq War), providing 1.5 billion each to the PAC, writing “for Lizzie” on the checks they sent.