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Whoopi Goldberg Accuses Republicans of Stealing Her Donuts after She Ate Them All on Camera

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    It was yet another sad day for ABC’s “The View,” particularly one of its lightening rod co-hosts, Whoopi Goldberg. She, you see, entered the set with a whole box of donuts, saying that she was “feeling hungry because she hadn’t eaten since lunch”. The show was filmed at 2 pm in the afternoon, so her more health and appearance focused co-hosts raised their eyebrows at her massive box of a dozen donuts, but didn’t say anything. Whoopi has a way of screaming when she gets mad or offended, so they give her a wide berth.

    In any case, Whoopi started chowing down on camera as the other clucking hens of “The View” bickered about whether Trump or DeSantis was “literally Hitler” and if asking someone to not masturbate on a public bus or subway was “racist or ableist”. They never reached a conclusion, but most audience members didn’t notice because they were stunned by Whoopi’s donut devouring.

    She shoved Boston creme donut after Boston creme donut down her gullet, working through the entire box in about 10 minutes, rarely pausing long enough to even take a napkin to her lips.

    After she finished eating, Whoppi joined in the discussion, saying that it was certainly “racist” to ask a “person of color” to “refrain from expressing himself or herself through masturbation on public transport.” Explaining why, she blamed slavery and then went on a three minute ramble about Rhodesia, South Africa, and “racists around the world” uniting to keep people of color from pleasuring themselves.

    But that’s when things went from typical “The View” content to an absolute laugh riot. That was because Whoopi forgot that she had polished off the entire box of donuts she brought to the studio in mere minutes. Instead, she started scrounging around, muttering to herself about losing it. It was not lost, it was just empty.

    Whoopi eventually found and opened the box, then lost her cool and started screaming at everyone around when she found out that it was empty. Furious that she was out of donuts, Whoopi went on a long tear about how the “Trump tax hikes” had stolen her food from her and was leading her on the path to starvation. Fortunately, that didn’t appear to be the case…

    What did appear to the case was that Whoopi’s cohosts couldn’t keep their snickers to themselves and started laughing at her for the donut incident, particularly once she realized she had eaten them all and blushed.

    By: Will Tanner. Follow me on Twitter @Will_Tanner_1

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