NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Liz Cheney’s having played buddy-buddy with the Deep State apparatchiks, leftist oligarchs that fund the “donations” to the vote counters, and Democrats pushing the “2020 was a safe and secure election” line have paid off bigly for her, as she just won her primary race by a margin of over a million votes in a state with only about 500,000 citizens, not all of whom are even Republicans.
Commenting on her win, Liz Cheney said “this massive win shows just how popular real Republicans like me and my father are with average, working-class voters! Only by acceding to the every demand of every Democrat, betraying every principle we supposedly stand for other than “don’t be mean to people who hate you”, and working with far-left apparatchiks against people in our party can we Republicans keep winning, as I showed tonight!”
Liz wasn’t the only one to gloat. George W. Bush declared the win a “vindication of his preemptive self-defense invasion of Iraq” and pledged to paint a picture of Liz Cheney standing atop a defeated Donald Trump, and Karl Rove tweeted out that he was excited to see “real Republicans” like Liz Cheney and Dan Crenshaw running Congress again.
Cheney’s main primary challenger, Harriet Hageman, pointed out the absurd margin Liz won by, noting that there was no way she could actually have won by a million votes in a state with far under a million citizens, much less Republicans. “Wyoming might be ruby red,” she tweeted, “but not ruby red enough to have twice as many Republicans ready to vote in the primary as citizens of our beautiful state! This fraud must be examined!”
Cheney then savaged Hageman as “anti-democracy” in a late-night CNN interview, declaring that “anyone who questions vote totals in free and fair elections like those conducted in Wyoming today is anti-democracy, a potential fascist that must be rooted out and defeated before it’s too late!”
Hageman responded by tweeting out the clip and said that “Liz looks as unhinged as any other tin pot dictator that wins by ridiculous vote totals. I love democracy, but this fraud must be investigated!”
Liz then ordered her friends in the FBI, the same hacks that raided Trump, her avowed enemy, to raid Hageman and her campaign headquarters. They did so, shooting seven local dogs and setting part of the building on fire.
But the brave citizens of Wyoming are armed to the teeth, and so the raid turned into a Waco-like standoff after the fire was put out, with multiple shots being fired by both sides, a situation Liz claimed was “another attempt at an insurrection,” this time demanding that Biden send in the military to crush Hageman.
He was too tired to do so, so the tense situation is ongoing as the world waits for Biden to wake up from his nap.