NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Following up on Biden’s utter refusal to defend the American border with Mexico and keep out the millions of illegal immigrants that are flooding into America and over the border, Team Biden has worked with its far-left allies in the House and Senate, along with their RINO collaborators, to push forward a bill that would introduce a new tax meant to pay for resettling every illegal immigrant that crosses the border.
Speaking about the bill on Thursday evening to a select group of far-left reporters, NGO heads, and federal “law enforcement” hacks that do nothing to actually enforce the law, Schumer and Pelosi (who was quite drunk at the time), said:
“What we have here is an excellent opportunity to shape America’s future and redirect funds away from racist initiatives, such as keeping people of color out of our communities, and toward enlightened, progressive agenda items like resettling those migrants who have been so oppressed and hounded by the right.
“So, with this new tax, an across-the-board, 5% tax for heritage Americans, as those of non-diverse ancestry like to call themselves, American tax dollars will be used to fund a highly important objective: showing our humanity by helping out those who need that help the most, our friends from the global south.”
Rumor has it that both Pelosi and Schumer just built massive walls around their estates, and a leaked document regarding the resettling plan shows that nearly 95% of the resettled illegal immigrants will be sent to red states and granted citizenship as a way of turning those red states blue or purple.
Georgia, for example, will be forced to receive 700,000 illegal immigrants, a massive number that will almost certainly turn it blue unless Kemp somehow grows the stones to fight back with gerrymandering.
Similarly, North Carolina and Virginia will both receive a million illegals, again enough to turn those states blue. Wyoming’s population will double under the plan thanks to the illegal influx, turning it blue as well.
Then there’s the already purple states, which will be overrun with a million or so illegals each in a ploy to put them firmly in the hands of the left once and for all.
Texas, Alabama, and Florida will mostly be spared as they are conservative enough that Biden and Co. worry they will fight back vigorously and somehow stop the plan, and would need to receive enough illegals each to turn blue that it would limit the extent to which other states could be shifted.
Notably, no blue states will receive any of the illegals. They don’t need to be turned blue, so Democrats aren’t wasting their efforts with them.