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YIKES: Disney Hires Ghislaine Maxwell as Advertising Spokeswoman

    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    In what was seen as a bizarre, likely wrongheaded move by many advertising and public relations experts, Disney hired Epstein associate Ghislaine Maxwell as an advertising spokeswoman of sorts, meant to fill the same sort of role that child molester Jared Fogle once filled for Subway.

    She will have to be released from prison first, something that Disney CEO Bob Chapek described as “not an issue” in a speech, indicating that Disney would be happy to take the tax write off that comes with hiring felons, and also that the company would be happy to and able to lobby the government on Ghislaine’s behalf and spring her from the clink before the end of her original sentence.

    Supposedly Ghislaine trusted Disney with some of the incriminating photos that she and Epstein collected on various public figures, which should make its attempt to lobby the government to release her easier, as some of the figures involved in her incarceration were visitors of the island.

    Speaking about the decision to hire Ghislaine in a speech, Disney CEO Bob Chapek said:

    Here at the Walt Disney Company, we believe in second chances. We believe in giving people who have been accused of various things, who have seen the system turned against them, who have made mistakes but want to turn their lives around, the opportunity to do so and improve their situation and make amends.

    “And so we are hiring Ghislaine, not despite the charges against her but because of them; she has been in the public eye and justice system and we want to show our commitment to helping people get back on their feet.

    “Further, we believe that Ghislaine will bring many advantages to Disney. She has proven experience in dealing with children, is obviously persuasive and charismatic, and has family and contacts in Great Britain that could help us further penetrate…well perhaps that’s not the most appropriate word here…regardless, that will help us develop that market.

    While Chapek made it sound like her talents and Disney’s desire to help her get back on her feet after serving her sentence is the dominant motivation behind her employment with Disney, a company insider gave a different opinion on the situation.

    He, speaking on a condition of anonymity, said:

    What’s really going on is that Chapek knows it’s his neck on the chopping block if the whole ‘defending groomers’ thing doesn’t work out and he loses the battle with DeSantis. Since he can’t back down he is doubling down and hiring the highest-profile groomer he can find as a way of attempting to vindicate his strategy.

    Chapek and his office did not respond when asked to comment on that allegation, though the Florida Attorney General is reportedly looking into whether Disney, when interviewing Ghislaine, let her get too close to areas where children are. If so,the fight against groomers could take a decidedly more intense step forward.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Parler and Gettr.

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