NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
When President Slow Joe Biden hired “Mayor Pete” Buttigieg to be transportation secretary, he had hoped that the whole “Mayor Pete is super duper gay” thing would be a net benefit for Brandon’s Administration, showing that he’s not just an old white guy that might have said some “racist” things in the past (such things matter to the blue haired crowd, which likes to imagine that it has no flaws, unlike every other past generation), but that he’s also open-minded enough to put a gay guy in a minor buy very public role.
Not only that, but Mayor Pete has been doing everything possible to shake off accusations of racism directed toward the Biden Administration by declaring everything under the sun racist, particularly the sort of bridges and roads built by past generations. Apparently those pieces of infrastructure are racist because sometimes white people tend to live on one side of them and blacks on another. So Mayor Pete has provided valuable racial cover for Brandon by calling said bridges and roads racist.
In any case, that cover might soon be ended, as Mayor Pete’s monkeypox case has taken a turn for the worse following a late-night visit to a DC area bathhouse.
An anonymous White House insider, speaking to us on the issue, said:
“Yeah, Pete Buttiwhatever has monkeypox. The new hazard of having lots of unprotected sex in anonymous orgies in dank, dirty bathhouses, I guess. He’s had it for weeks now, and it was finally going into remission, where like he was starting to feel better and get over his illness. So things were looking up, even if those running sores and such were looking pretty darn gross.
“But then, just as he was starting to feel a bit better, he apparently thought he had the strength to attend some 2 am “men seeking men” event at a bathhouse, so he had the Secret Service drive him to within a mile of it and then he popped out and rode his bike the last bit so that he could get appropos from the libs there for riding a bike rather than driving.
“He got the plaudits from everyone who saw him ride in or who like heard about it and was impressed, but then things got a bit out of control and…ummm…well apparently lots of monkeypox was spread in the production of that night, though Pete assured us that he was wearing a mask for the whole dealio and so couldn’t have caught Covid.
“Despite the mask, he must have gotten a whole new case of monkeypox and now is having a hard time coming to work, as the disease is no longer in remission and the sores are looking pretty gross. We’ll see if he can pull through this case, but it’s looking pretty bad.”