NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Well, Biden gave a speech that reasonable people would call “creepy as hell” last night in which he ranted on and on about how horrible Republicans, particularly MAGA Republicans, are.
Ranting and raving like a delusional dictator, Brandon went wild in attacking half the country and demanding that the government wield its power and stop them from acting up.
It was a ridiculous display, one bound to make Republicans uncomfortable as things get worse and worse in America and the government looks more ready than ever to start cracking down on us. After they finish sniffing all the clothes in Melania’s closet when raiding Mar-a-Lago, that is. The FBI’s gotta cover all its bases before “just following [Slow Joe’s] orders” and raiding our houses.
Speaking of “just following orders”, it turns out that Biden’s “we will purge the disease of domestic extrimism from our body politic” speech wasn’t original. Like most of his speeches it was plagiarized. However, rather than coming from Kennedy or some civil rights movement activist he used to mock but now professes to love, this one came from Stalin.
Yes, “Uncle Joe” gave a speech in 1935 at the People’s Tractor Factory of Slavahastk and, when speaking about “wreckers” and “reactionary elements,” said that the “long arm of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics [would] not rest until each and every one of the people’s enemies” had been “rooted out, crushed, and destroyed in a brilliant display of patriotic force against the kulaks and other enemies of the bright, progressive future.”
Biden, echoing Stalin almost to a t, said during his rambling speech that “long arm of out multicultural, pluralistic, liberal democracy not rest until each and every one of the people’s enemies and those who would attempt to subvert our democracy have been rooted out, crushed, and destroyed in a brilliant display of patriotic force against the white men and other enemies of the bright, progressive future.”
And it wasn’t just in that respect that Biden mimiced one of the most bloodthirsty dictators to ever exist. Much like Stalin and other aesthetically minded rulers with a sense of aesthetics, Biden had quite the backdrop for his speech, standing in front of red lights shining on stone with troops standing behind him in what looked almost like a photo straight out of Nuremberg or Stalin announcing the purges of the Red Army.
Unlike Stalin, however, Biden has only four functional brain cells, and so it’s not hard to imagine that whatever he does is going to work out even worse than whatever horrible ideas Stalin had, though perhaps we’ll manage to survive because it will be less competently carried out. One can always hope.