NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
The Biden Administration’s war on free speech continues, this time with Vice President Kamala Harris leading the charge to gut the 1st Amendment in the name of fighting the phantom menace of “hate speech,” an imbecilic concept made up by those who are the butt of jokes or looking to quash the speech of their enemies.
In any case, Kamala announced that criticism of her, as a black woman, would no longer be tolerated under the Administration’s “digital discrimination” policy. Her statement began tamely enough, describing how the administration was forcing Internet companies to put high-speed broadband in rural areas. She said:
Every person in America should be able to access affordable, high-speed Internet no matter where they live or how much they earn. When President Joe Biden and I took office, 30 million people across our country did not have access to high-speed Internet. Communities of color, Native communities, rural communities, and low-income households were disproportionately disconnected. That is why we worked with Democrats and Republicans in Congress to make the largest investment in affordable, high-speed Internet in history – $65 billion to lower the cost of monthly Internet plans and build thousands of miles of fiber-optic cable to connect every household in our nation to high-speed Internet.
One provision of our Bipartisan Infrastructure Law that President Biden signed exactly two years ago directed the Federal Communications Commission to create first-of-its-kind rules to prevent digital discrimination. Today, the FCC answered our call by voting to adopt these necessary rules, taking a critical step to prohibit digital discrimination in high-speed Internet access based on income, race, ethnicity, religion, and national origin. These rules will protect civil rights, lower costs, and increase Internet access for Americans across the country.
President Biden and I understand that getting online can be a bridge to an education, a good-paying job, quality health care, and engagement with the broader world. We will not stop fighting to make it easier for everyone to access affordable, high-speed Internet. Today’s action is another important step toward fulfilling that vision.
Continuing, she got to the jaw-dropping part and declared war on the First Amendment, saying, “And, look, we need to counter all types of discrimination. All types. Because discrimination is bad and must be stopped. Because it’s bad and mean and people like me, women of color routinely under attack by discriminators, really, really dislike it.”
“So we’re stopping broadband discrimination, but we’re stopping other forms of discrimination too. For example, you can no longer use the internet or digital infrastructure to discriminate. That means no hate speech, which right now we’re defining as speech we hate. And I hate when people mock me online, so now making fun of me on the internet is illegal and punishable by death. Because it’s hate speech and discrimination and that is bad.”