NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Vice President Kamala Harris just decided that now, of all times, is the time for another one of her infamous word salads and went ahead and spoke it, this time about student debt, which she insisted people should not have to pay despite having taken out the gargantuan loans. She said, beginning the word salad statement:
President Joe Biden and I are committed to delivering relief to student loan debt borrowers to help them move forward with their lives – whether they want to start a family, buy a home, or become an entrepreneur. Today, we are taking another historic step by forgiving $39 billion in student loan debt for 804,000 borrowers who have been paying down their debts for 20 years or more and should qualify for relief. Instead, many were placed into forbearance by loan servicers in violation of the rules, and others did not get appropriate credit for their monthly payments. Addressing these harmful practices and reducing student loan debt has been a priority throughout my career. As California Attorney General, I won $1 billion for defrauded veterans and students by taking on predatory for-profit colleges.
We will not stop there. Last month, President Biden announced we are pursuing an alternative path to provide relief through the Higher Education Act, and we finalized our new income-driven repayment plan – which will cut monthly payments in half for undergraduate loans. Our Administration will continue to fight to make sure Americans can access high-quality postsecondary education without taking on the burden of unmanageable student loan debt.
How exactly people were “defrauded” by taking out a loan they knew they took out was unclear, but Kamala stuck to it with the usual nonsense. Continuing, she said, “And, look, just because you took out a loan and like, ummm, well signed like all those documents. When I took out one it was like 20 signatures! [cackling for three minutes] But, well, ummmmmm, you, uhhh, like, well, they just…just because you took out a loan and signed those things doesn’t mean you have to pay it back. That’s so unfair. Some of these are, like, big loans!”
She then added, “And so we want to get rid of that. We want to stop you from having to pay back those unfair loans. Because you shouldn’t have had to pay them because they are so, like, large. Like America! And space. Both of those are large too. But there’s no debt in space? So why should there be debt here? If there’s no debt in space. Does that make sense? I think so.”
Concluding, she said, “And so that’s why we’re fighting the banks. Because greed has no place in the ocean, which is also big, like the devt for college students, and there are a lot of them. Starting tomorrow.”