NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
What should be done about the baby formula shortage that has sent infants to the hospital and parents into the darkest pits of worry as they scrounge for the infant formula that’s been sent to the border rather than supermarkets?
According to NIH Director Tony Fauci, the answer is “nothing.”
Appearing on Brian Stelter’s “Reliable Sources” shortly after Hunter Biden’s disastrous, crack-focused interview Fauci excoriated Americans for daring to worry more about their children than the “continuing threat posed by Covid”, as the segment introduction chyron framed it.
Speaking to a Stelter still shocked by Hunter’s ridiculous “crack not caring” idea, Fauci said:
“Well, Brian, here’s the thing. Yes, starving babies are bad. Very bad even. I don’t want anyone to starve, no matter how unvaccinated they are. Haha.”
Stelter didn’t respond to the joke, so Fauci continued, saying:
“Just kidding, just kidding. So anyway, yeah, I think the whole baby formula shortage thing is very bad. But, and I cannot emphasize this enough, folks, it is not the main threat that America faces.
“Let me say that again, just in case people aren’t listening: folks, you need to worry about Covid still, not the baby formula thing.
“I mean, just think how dangerous it is to be flooding into supermarkets looking for formula! Those are super-spreader events, which are very dangerous! Just think how much Covid could harm a starving infant!
“So I’m recommending that everyone just stay at home and let the authorities handle getting infant formula to you; that’ll be way safer, way less of a problem, and we won’t have to worry about you being vectors of disease. Like we, the experts could be trusted before, you can trust us to handle everything now.”
Republicans quickly took to Twitter to slam Fauci, with one Twitter personality saying, in a video released onto the platform that was quickly deleted by the powers that be:
“Guys, this is how they’re gonna do it. This is the end of the road in their plan to starve patriots out.
“Just think: who is it that has young children still? It sure ain’t the libs that are slaving away in their cubicles, focusing on working for some corporation so they can pay their student loans from those 100k a year places in the Northeast.
“No, it’s conservatives that have kids nowadays, and the government hates that. Particularly, the WEF and the climate crowd hate it, as more people mean more carbon, which is a big no-no for them.
“So they’re trying to starve us out, to sweep a sickle over the next generation of conservatives and limit population growth so that there’s less carbon dioxide produced.”
Team Biden and Fauci refused to comment on that viral clip other than when the new White House press secretary condemned the personality’s use of the gendered “guys” rather than the gender-neutral “folks” used by Fauci, calling it “misogynistic.”