Author: will

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Biden was recently trotted out by the Administration for yet another disaster of a press conference, this one on how close America is with Germany. Given that his natural gas policy has wrecked Germany’s economy and forced them to revert to using coal power, you might think Biden would do a good job of keeping it together and keeping our ally appeased. Not so. Rather, he kicked off a rambling speech about Germany and what he thinks the German PM has done for the…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  Kamala Harris, the Vice President who somehow has even fewer functioning brain cells than the senile president, was just in Baltimore for a speech on “crime prevention.” Predictably, the speech was a disaster, with Kamala first rambling on about nonsense and then deciding to reveal that Team Biden wants to “abolish jail.” Kicking the speech off with rambling nonsense, she said: Because the work of community work and, in particular, violence intervention, is about investing in the community, understanding our capacity, understanding the greatness, and…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  Speaking in a statement released by his Administration about the recent Special Counsel report into his handling of classified documents (he left them in his garage, which was often unlocked, despite the plethora of state secrets in them), President Joe Biden gloated about the Special Counsel deciding not to press charges and declared that the DOJ will never find Democrats criminally liable. Beginning the statement with the usual sort of Administration boilerplate that means little and was certainly not written by the brain-dead president. He…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Team Biden recently released an incredibly telling statement on the Biden-Harris Administration’s attempt to help develop black-owned businesses in America, in which they admitted to enacting punitive taxes on white-owned businesses that are meant to help pay for handouts to black-owned businesses. Beginning the statement, they said: Over the past three years, President Biden and Vice President Harris have leveraged the full force of the Federal Government to advance racial justice and equity and ensure the promise of America for all communities, including Black Americans,…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Joe Biden appeared in Vegas and gave a speech to MGM culinary workers, of all interest groups, during which he bizarrely described the relatively small contingent of workers as America’s “backbone.” It kicked off with the usual sort of Biden nonsense, an obviously made up story, and proceeded into being about economics, which is when the ridiculous comment on America’s backbone came. Beginning, Biden said: Folks, you know, my dad used to have an expression, for real. He’d say, “You know, a job is…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such, Speaking to union workers in a recent campaign speech, President Joe Biden decided to try to explain economics to the autoworkers, with predictably poor results. In fact, he ended up explaining away the shift in economic thinking by talking about NAFTA, which led to fury among the gathered union members. Kicking things off, he said: But, look, folks, I’m going to be brief because I know you have been doing a lot of work here.  First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you. You…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. During a recent campaign speech about how wonderful his administration is doing, President Joe Biden accidentally admitted that they had flubbed the speech handout process and given Vice President Kamala Harris a speech to give on medical prices when she was supposed to be rambling about “faith” to “faith leaders” in South Carolina. That admission was first snuck in the middle of his brief statement on what the cackle-prone Vice President is up to, with a reporter calling him out and Biden making things far…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  It is “heart health month” according to someone in the White House, and though such made up holidays generally mean little to the average person, it apparently means a lot to Slow Joe, and so now the average American is going to have to care a lot. Why? Because Biden is using the heart health holiday to ban meat for a month in the name of “fighting heart disease and climate change.” Beginning the speech, he said: Each year, heart disease takes the lives of…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  In a speech meant for black history month, Presiden Joe Biden went off the rails near-immediately, accidentally bringing up his age-old and oft-derided story about Corn Pop, the black gang member that supposedly threatened him at a Delaware pool, but then backed down when Joe threatened him with a chain. That story did not go over well with the primarily black crowd that gathered for Biden’s speech. Biden began the speech by mumbling a number of vague generalities about how wonderful black Americans are and…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. It’s 2024 and Taylor Swift has been in the headlines every single day for months now in what is obviously a concerted media effort to make her more popular than ever before the election so that she can save Biden. But now Biden is saving her after a massive scandal involving sexually explicitly, AI-generated pictures of her that went viral on X. After months of relative inaction as normal people complained about the problem, Team Biden went ballistic and announced an overwhelming sanctions response to…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  Vice President Kamala Harris was, despite never having once worked in the private sector, tasked by the Biden Administration with giving a speech on small business and entrepreneurship. Doing so, she decided to promote selling crack cocaine, presumably after being informed of its profit margins by Hunter Biden. Beginning the speech, she said: So, let me start by saying it is wonderful to be back in Nevada. And, Chef Jeff, I want to thank you for so warmly welcoming us and sharing with us the…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  President Joe Biden had the devastating task of having to inform America that three American soldiers died in a terrorist attack in Jordan. Predictably, however, he absolutely botched the statement, declaring that their mission was extremely important but then not even remembering where they were when tragedy struck and they were killed by Iran. Kicking off the statement, Biden struggled to remember the name of the country in which the soldiers died, saying, “Today, America’s heart is heavy. Last night, three U.S. service members were…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden recently gave a speech to union workers, an event obviously meant to burnish his “blue collar” credentials with union workers in the wake of mass voter disgust with the way Democrats are running the country. But, just as predictably as Biden having to try to rally Democrats to ignore his poor performance was how terrible the speech was thanks to his gaffes. Particularly, during the speech, Biden accidentally told the union workers the truth, which is that the good wages earned for them by…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  Kamala Harris was put in charge of giving a speech on abortion rights for the Biden Administration, and that went exactly how one might expect when it came to her speechmaking skills and her flubbing the address with some cringeworthy moments. Among those moments was, when beginning the speech, she declared that the right to kill babies with abortions is not just a “right,” but a “God-given” right that all Americans have thanks to the Lord. Making that blasphemy somehow worse is that Kamala, a…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  Biden recently gave a long and winding speech on abortion rights in which he vociferously defended abortion rights, calling it the “constitutional right to choose” despite SCOTUS having decided there is no such constitutional right to choose. He said: Doctor, thank you for sharing your story. And I’m sure there’s others like it many doctors across America have had to contemplate. Fifty-one years ago today, in Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court recognized a woman’s constitutional right to choose — constitutional right to choose —…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Announcing yet another student debt forgiveness plan in a recent speech, President Biden announced that he was cancelling the debt of tens of thousands of people. Though some of the cancellations appeared justified, others were decidedly vaguer until Biden announced that they were a buy off plan. Beginning the speech, he said: Today, my Administration approved debt cancellation for another 74,000 student loan borrowers across the country, bringing the total number of people who have gotten their debt cancelled under my Administration to over 3.7…

Note: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  President Biden has been waging holy war on “bank fees” for most of his presidency, bizarrely arguing that minor fees charged by banks in line with their operating agreements with customers is the best use of his time as president. Such is what he spoke about during a recent speech, though during it he let slip the real reason for his decision to go all out to get banks to stop charging fees for certain things: he thinks it will help him buy votes. Beginning…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.  President Joe Biden recently gave a speech on the situation in the Ukraine and his demands for more aid, arguing during it that the Republicans need to step up and send hundreds of billions of dollars more in aid to the embattled Eastern European country so that Hunter Biden’s friends and paymasters can survive the Russian onslaught. Beginning, Biden accidentally spoke about himself in the third person, reading off of a handout his Administration had distributed to the media rather than the correct version of…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden recently gave his “Proclamation on Religious Freedom Day, 2024,” during which he focused only on religious freedom for Muslims and Jewish people, then went on to explain how his administration is persecuting Catholic individuals to “stop hate.” Beginning, he said: In 2022, I established a new inter-agency group to counter Antisemitism, Islamophobia, and Related Forms of Bias and Discrimination within the United States. Last May, my Administration released the first-ever United States National Strategy to Counter Antisemitism, which outlines more than 100 new actions…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Giving a speech on the Affordable Care Act, better known as “Obamacare,” President Joe Biden accidentally took to torching the care products offered by Obamacare as being utterly terrible, a position with which many conservatives would agree. Beginning the speech, he said: Today, we hit a major milestone in lowering costs and ensuring all Americans have access to quality, affordable health care: a record-breaking 20 million Americans have enrolled in health care coverage through the Affordable Care Act marketplaces. With six days left to still…