NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Brandon decided to attack guns yet again in a speech, this time trying to take them out of the hands of young people by claiming that anyone under 21 who buys a gun is trying to pose a danger to American communities. In the speech, Biden first said: Today is an important milestone in the fight to end the epidemic of gun violence tearing the fabric of our nation apart. Thanks to the enhanced background checks enacted by the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act, the Justice…
Author: will
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Giving a speech on abortion after the Idaho government and electorate decided to ban abortion in Idaho, Biden bizarrely claimed that not killing babies is dangerous for children in Idaho. Beginning the speech, Biden said: Today’s Supreme Court order allows Idaho’s extreme abortion ban to go back into effect and denies women critical emergency abortion care required by federal law. The overturning of Roe v. Wade has enabled Republican elected officials to pursue dangerous abortion bans like this one that continue to jeopardize women’s health,…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. The Department of Labor just pulled a Claudine Gay and plagiarised its pressing report, though instead of lifting pages of racial theory out of someone’s work, it decided to steal a Soviet report on potato production to claim that America’s economy is booming. The report, titled “2023 Jobs Report,” is a lifted version of the CIA’s translation of a January of 1932 potato production report. In the report, the Soviet potato production minister wrote, “1930 was a fabulous year for potato production in our glorious…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Team Biden might pretend to hate former President George W Bush, but it’s echoing his imbecilic talking points when describing why it too has to spend billions upon billions, if not trillions of dollars, dropping guided bombs on the Middle East. Particularly, it’s trotting out the War on Terror era talking point that we have to fight the Islamists because they “hate us because of our freedoms.” Such is what the Biden Administration claimed in a ridiculous press conference about the United States Navy being…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In a wild moment on Monday, the White House trotted out Joe Biden, currently on vacation in the Virgin Islands, to speak about US steel import policy. Reading off a bland, dry policy statement document, Biden suddenly let his attention drift and embarrassingly explain how bribery led to his administration’s policy. Beginning, he started reading through the bland document, saying: On January 11, 2018, the Secretary of Commerce (Secretary) transmitted to the President a report on the Secretary’s investigation into the effect of imports of…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. What is the Biden Administration spending your tax dollars on? Not on Americans. Rather, its spending billions upon billions of dollars fighting infectious diseases in Africa, as if that’s the most important thing it could do with American money. Such is what it announced in a recent press release, saying: The Biden-Harris Administration continues to prioritize global health security as a critical component of national biodefense. The COVID-19 pandemic, as well as HIV/AIDS, Ebola, mpox and other outbreaks in recent years, has demonstrated the catastrophic…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In an imbecilic, scolding statement on Russia’s conduct in the war in the Ukraine, President Joe Biden bizarrely claimed that America has never bombed civilians or civilian infrastructure and claimed that Putin’s relatively tame aerial campaign was a war crime, saying: Overnight, Russia launched its largest aerial assault on Ukraine since this war began. This massive bombardment used drones and missiles, including missiles with hypersonic capability, to strike cities and civilian infrastructure all across Ukraine. Strikes reportedly hit a maternity hospital, a shopping mall, and…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. As ordinary Americans struggle under the horrific burden of high crime and the financial consequences of it, President Joe Biden has decided that he should pardon a number of criminals simply because they are “people of color” and he doesn’t think marijuana use should be criminalized. Announcing the policy, Kamala said: Every American has a fundamental right to equal justice under law. And yet, for too long, far too many people in our country—in particular, people of color—have been denied that fundamental right because of…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. It’s the anniversary of the passage of the Endangered Species Act and Biden went ahead and gave a speech on it…an utterly imbecilic idea, per usual. Instead of sticking to his script, he went ahead and rambled about “biodiversity,” then went on to ramble about how his son Hunter is chipping in to fight extinction. Beginning, the senile president said: Fifty years ago, the Congress passed one of the world’s most critical conservation laws — the Endangered Species Act. Ever since, the Endangered Species Act…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden just decided to push for yet more tools to use to surveil American citizens in a speech released around Christmas, commenting on the NDAA and saying that it needs to give him more money to use for spying on us. In the speech, he said: Today, I have signed into law H.R. 2670, the “National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) for Fiscal Year 2024” (the “Act”). The Act authorizes fiscal year appropriations principally for the Department of Defense, Department of Energy national security programs, Department…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. How are things going with Team Biden? Not great. For one, Biden continues to be a rambling disaster and his son Hunter is an imbecile whose foolish misadventures have landed him in a whole lot of trouble and are presenting a big problem for his campaign. But things also are going badly from a foreign affairs perspective, as now the enemies of America abroad don’t respect us and are launching attacks. That second part is a big problem for Biden, as now it means that…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Venezuela is holding Americans hostage right now, presumably to get leverage over the US in its dispute with Guyana and Exxon over a recently found, massive oil field. Biden decided to “negotiate” for their release using the same tactics he used to get hostages home from Iran…which is to pay more than a billion dollars per person for them. Beginning his statement on the matter, he said: Today, ten Americans who have been detained in Venezuela have been released and are coming home, including all…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden was once again tasked with speaking and it was once again a disaster, this time with the senile Commander in Chief rambling about how great inflation is because it “makes the profit number go up,” ignoring that that’s only nominal profit, not real profit, and that the inflation-adjusted number is down because of the Bidenflation disaster. Beginning, he said: I want to thank everyone here at Milwaukee’s Black Chamber of Commerce for your partnership across the board on everything we’ve been working on. I…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Joe Biden recently gave a speech on Sandra Day O’Connor and, as could be expected, it ended in a painful disaster for his administration when he got off of script and started rambling about former President Donald Trump. Beginning the speech, Biden said: To the O’Connor family, my wife Jill and I send our love on behalf of a truly grateful nation for her service. I’m humbled to be asked to speak today. To the members of the clergy, the Chief Justice, Justices of the…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. The Biden Administration decided this week to celebrate the creation of a federal “law enforcement misconduct” database to track what law enforcement officers are up to, as if police overeagerness to stop crime is the issue at a time when the devastating toll of crime is ruining America’s cities. In any case, Team Biden’s support for the database meant that Kamala Harris, a former prosecutor known for locking up random people for low level drug offenses, was sent to give a speech on the database…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden recently gave a speech on lower drug prices. Meant to be about prescription drugs and high-cost pharmaceuticals, like insulin, it ended up being about his son Hunter’s struggle with drug addiction when Biden went off on one of his gaffe stories. The speech began ok, with Biden saying: You know, we’re here at a pharmacy today at the National Institutes of Health to talk about my administration’s work to crack down on price-gouging, to lower prescription drug costs, to put money back in the…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden just gave a speech for “Bill of Rights Day” and, during it, attacked the Bill of Rights. Specifically, he attacked the First and Second Amendments, both of which he said were “racist” and need to be “amended” to be made to fit with modern opinions. Beginning his speech, he said: The freedoms guaranteed by the Bill of Rights — the freedoms of religion, speech, press, assembly, privacy, and more — have helped define who we are as a people and served as our Nation’s…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Biden just gave a speech on climate change and how his administration is fighting that phantom menace, with the president bizarrely claiming during the meeting that climate change was the spark that started hurricanes, though he didn’t explain what science shows that to be the case or how storms started before “pollution.” In any case, he said, during the speech: Eight years ago, the world came together in Paris to announce a historic commitment to address climate change and protect the planet for future generations.…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Team Biden has moved forward with its Infrastructure Bill in recent years, or so it claims, but many Americans are confused as to why the conditions of America’s roads and bridges seem to be declining daily despite the trillions that the government claims to be spending on building up America’s infrastructure. Why is that? Well, because rather than building bridges and roads, the powers that be are tearing down existing ones that Mayor Pete and his coterie of crazies have determined are “racist.” Such is…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Uganda recently decided to change its laws regarding homosexuality to make it somewhat more illegal, particularly in certain situations. Predictably, the United States freaked out and harshly condemned the law, saying that what a nation in central Africa decides to do regarding LGBTQ+ rights is the most important thing going on right now. In fact, the Biden Administration even released a statement on the matter, attacking the policy and vowing to change US policy toward Uganda and its government if it doesn’t change law. It…