NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such Following a White House staffer dressed as an Easter bunny’s success in stopping Joe from talking about Afghanistan during the White House Easter Egg roll event, former President Trump realized how effective he could be if dressed up as an imaginary rabbit in taking over the US government. So, dressed as the Easter Bunny, Trump headed to the White House on Wednesday, 4/20, and was shocked to discover that no one even tried to stop him, but instead just waved him through the security gate, laughing at the idea that…
Author: will
NOTE: This is SATIRE, not fact. Treat it as such. Though he’s busy with other things, namely redesigning his massive dacha, a palace that some report cost over $1 billion to construct, Putin took time out of his busy schedule to talk with his FSB (modern KGB) officers about the danger posed to their intelligence-gathering operations by the amount of attention focused on one agent by American media. Speaking anonymously to the media after the meeting, only talking to us out of spite because he was jealous of the size of Putin’s dacha compared to his, one high-level official said:…
Note: This is satire, not fact or a statement of fact. Treat it as such. An anonymous source within the White House, refusing to speak on anything other than a condition of anonymity because “the Bidens know the Clintons” and s/he does not want to be “Epsteined”, reports that Biden has been in a bitter fight with the top military and Secret Service personnel over whether he can fully repurpose the nuclear bunker underneath the White House into a dedicated nap room. Speaking on that situation and Biden’s demands, the anonymous source said: “Yeah, so Biden’s been disappearing for like…
NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such Adrianna Remington was just getting back to her home from a long day of burning, looting, marching, and screaming in protest when she saw a newspaper sitting outside her neighbor’s house and, as the front page was titled MODERN SLAVERY, she stole it and went inside to read it. What she read shocked her. According to the article, the Foxconn plants in Red China that make iPhones (of which she’s had one of each generation since the 3G) are basically slave labor camps where nets have to be put under…
Note: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. With the Biden family finances hurt by Hunter Biden’s inability to sell any of his mediocre paintings now that Joe isn’t all that popular and his impotence as a president has been discovered, Biden decided to take a major step and make “the smartest guy” he knows, Hunter, drug czar. He also seemed a bit confused over what the position would entail. Here’s how he began his statement on the decision (we did our best with the transcript, some of his words were indecipherable): “As many of you know, the…
Note: this is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. Already embarrassed over the Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping scheme and the revelation that it set the men involved up, the FBI suffered a dramatic blow to its prestige on Tuesday when a lack of communications between the agency and other government authorities led to a snafu where all its agents were arrested. FBI Director Wray, the sole member of the FBI not arrested during the nation-wide dragnet conducted by National Gaurd units, local police departments, and even a few SWAT Teams, spoke about the incident in a press conference last night,…
NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. According to anonymous sources within the White House, President Joe Biden was not happy that a rabbit surprised him during the recent White House Easter egg roll event. Walking around the White House for the rest of the workday (until his 4pm dinner and bedtime) after the event, Biden vowed that he’d never let a rabbit sneak up on him again and kept screaming at the Secret Service agents for daring to let a monstrously large rabbit get so close to him. The Secret Service officials, according…
NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. Hot off his offer to buy Twitter and turn it back into a free speech platform, Tesla, PayPal, and SpaceX founder Elon Musk decided to put a bit more of his massive net worth to use. Specifically, Elon decided to spend $1 more and pick up failing CNN too, saying that he’d use his fortune to turn it from some sad mockery of news where Brian Stelter does his best imitation of a eunuch while ranting about some leftie political topic back into a real news station. Speaking on those…
NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. BLM’s leaders finally looked up from the flames of their most recent riot long enough to get a good look at a representation of an Easter bunny and what they saw horrified them. The fur of the Easter bunny, you see, was white, which infuriated them. Releasing a blistering Easter statement from her $6 million mansion, BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors said: “Where are the brown rabbits? That’s right, they’re the ones you EAT! The white bunnies kids see are the fun ones, the ones hopping around and leaving Easter eggs…
Note: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. Parents were outraged after the White House Easter egg hunt when the kids cracked the eggs open and, rather than finding candy, the kids found free crack pipe kits and pamphlets about why they should become transgender and start taking hormone blockers. An anonymous White House official, speaking out about the issue on the condition of anonymity, had this to say: “Well, inflation has made candy so expensive that we just didn’t know what to do. $5 for a small pack of Kit-Kats? Give me a break. We asked Biden…
NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. It’s Easter at the White House and, miraculously able to wake up enough to scarf down his morning oatmeal and participate in the weekend’s activities, President Biden participated in the White House Easter Egg Hunt. Deeming his mind about as capable as that of a typical 6-year-old, Jill allowed him to participate after a healthy 27 doses of stimulants to ensure that he could stay awake for the entire event, meant to last about 15 minutes. Predictably, it went badly for Slow Joe and the White House team. With the…
NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. Appearing during a Good Friday press conference, Jen Psaki got into one of her usual spats with FNC correspondent Peter Doocy, this one escalating into Jen blaming Putin for the death of Christ. It began when Doocy, trying to goad Psaki into saying something dumb, said: “Hey, Jen. I was buying candy to put in my kids’ Easter baskets this morning–” he was cut off at that point by the CNN correspondent, who didn’t know the Easter bunny isn’t real, sobbing uncontrollably and running out of the room. Shaking his…
NOTE: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such/ CNN recently announced that it intends on going back to being real news. It’s supposedly going to fire the loser opinionists it currently has running its talk shows, going to focus on documentaries and real news rather than opinion content, and is going to do anything and everything it can to be taken seriously again. Excited by the news that CNN+, the flagship venture of the “new” CNN that has inveterate RINO Chris Wallace as its face (though not a BIPOC, which has led MSNBC to declare ritual war upon…
NOTE: This is Satire, Not the Statement of Fact. Treat It as Such The best part of Trump’s 2016 primary was his constant bashing of Jeb! Bush, the guy beloved by RINO and Conservative, Inc. donors but who was so utterly unappetizing that even all his millions couldn’t make anyone with a single callous on their hands think about voting for him in the primary. Trump, being hilarious, ruthless, and empowered by a censorship-free social media platform, along with an amazing ability to sneak one-liners into the debates that made Jeb! look like the fool he is, tore that guy…
Note: This is satire, not fact. Treat it as such. For the longest time (since 2017, right after the bad orange man was elected) , the Washington Post’s slogan has been “democracy dies in darkness.” Never mind that America is technically a republic rather than a democracy (who could expect journalists to know such an inconvenient detail?), never mind that the Washington Post is known for pushing the leftist regime’s talking point on pretty much every issue, never mind that it’s owned by a billionaire with an obvious interest in silencing some news, the Washington Post won’t let democracy die…
Note: This is satire. Most quotes and statements within it are made up. They’re jokes, not to be taken as facts and fact-checked Well, America’s most famous African-American visionary, Elon Musk, just announced that he’s planning to buy Twitter at a heft premium as a way of supporting free speech online. He said as much in a letter to the Twitter Board of Directors, announcing that he wasn’t interested in a board seat and would rather just buy the company to do what he wants with it. Unsurprisingly, the criticism of Elon and general far-left panic about the issue was…
NOTE: The following article is satire. It’s not meant to be taken as the truth. It’s a joke. While Team Biden generally is sticking to its guns and going along with the “Putin price hike” story about why inflation is at levels not seen in decades, there’s one member of the Biden brood that’s breaking ranks and calling out inflation as a problem. That would be the president’s son, Hunter Biden. Hunter, the lawyer turned painter who was kicked out of the Navy for repeated cocaine-related incidents, is furious about the inflation level, particularly as it relates to his inhaled…
The point of the 2nd Amendment isn’t to preserve access to the tools necessary to go hunting, nor even to give you the right to defend yourself from criminals, though both of those ancillary effects of it are certainly important and good to have. No, the real point of the 2nd Amendment is to give you the right to defend yourself from a tyrannical government and the tools necessary to carry out such a defense. Predictably, Biden completely missed that and falsely characterized the reason for the 2nd Amendment during his recent pro-gun control speech, saying: And I know it’s…
Well, Obama, the former president whose incompetence as an executive is outweighed only by Biden’s, is back, as we saw when he drew all the attention at an event where both he and Biden appeared. What does he want now that he’s back? To control online speech, apparently. He said as much in a recent event with Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg, saying that the government needs to “grapple” with the crazy people on the internet. Perhaps he needs to “grapple” with the First Amendment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guO3_7pn7FI&t=7552s If you for some reason choose to watch the above interview, you’ll hear him say…
Is there a risk to America’s liberty lurking in D.C. right now that some of us might not expect? According to Senator Ted Cruz, there is. It would be the Supreme Court, where votes about essential American liberties often come down to a 5-4, a razor-thin margin of error where essential liberties are considered/ The senator noted that threat to liberty, that one vote margin of error for preserving precious liberties, when appearing on “Life, Liberty, and Levin,” saying: “Over and over again, the big landmark cases are 5-4. “We’re one vote away on issue after issue after issue from…