Twitter Addicts Shocked to Discover that They Can Use More than 280 Characters In Real Life after Twitter Goes Dark Thanks to Solar Power

Archaeological Report: Jesus Cloak Made of MyPillow Giza dream Sheet Material

Bigfoot Spotted in “FJB” Shirt, Caught Stealing and Trashing Biden Lawn Signs

College Enrolls Dolphin that Identifies as Human, Thrashes Competition

Mike Lindell Sells Johnny Depp Giza Dream Sheets in Wake of Amber Heard Revelations

CIA Releases Report Suggesting that Biden’s Bike Was Made in Russia, “KGB Asset”

Democrats Convinced One More Brian Stelter Harangue will Convince GOP To Hate Trump

If George Floyd Were Still Alive, He’d Still Be Dead From A Fentanyl Overdose

Dramatic Fall: Brian “The Potato” Stelter Forced to Work for Disney World as Mr. Potatohead after Being Fired from CNN

Poll Finds Those Who Called Vietnam Soldiers “Baby Killers” Most Likely Demographic to Support Abortion

America, “Land of Liberty”, Bans Use of the Word “Liberty” Because of Its Use on the Far-Right

Grandma Changes “Live, Laugh, Love” Decor to “FJB” Flags Over Bidenflation Disaster

Now Old Enough to Drive, Barron Trump Unable to Because of High Cost of Gas

Chinese Invaders Push “Reds for Red Flag Laws” Lobbying Campaign in D.C.

Woke Walmart Cancels MyPillow Because It Doesn’t Use Slave Labor Like Their Other Suppliers

Flocks of Screeching Liberals Flee Back Indoors to Grab Masks after Hearing Fauci has Covid

Crack-Crazed Hunter Biden Goes Berserk on TV, Demands State Subsidy for Crack Habit

Yikes: McConnell Agrees with Dems on Gun Control in Exchange for “One Month of Less Mean Media Coverage”

YIKES: Biden Threatens to Give Hunter a Gun If Republicans Don’t Vote for Gun Control

Glassdoor Opens New Initiative Targeting Now Broke “Bitcoin Billoinares” and “Robinhood Options Traders” Following Market Crash