Author: will

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Biden’s son, Hunter Biden, was worried about why he was constantly scratching at ants and spiders crawling all over himself that no one else could see, concerned that his teeth kept falling out, upset with how his hair looked, and generally not happy that he always felt terrible. So, lighting up a crack pipe while firing up yet another recently repaired laptop, Hunter logged onto Google and typed his “symptoms” (read: typical problems associated with a crack addiction), into the search bar. Predictably, the…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Sometimes, it’s not about how hard you work or how smart you are but rather about who you happen to know. Such has quickly turned out to be the case with Joe Biden, Hunter Biden, and the Ministry of Truth that Team Biden is pushing, as all the leftists who have spent months drafting up plans for how Team Biden can go about censoring its enemies under the guise of fighting misinformation were just brushed to the side by Hunter. That’s because Hunter knows lots…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Project Veritas, pulling off yet another propaganda coup for the right, managed to sneak a reporter into the room when a Biden spokesman sent a new Ministry of Truth apparatchik off to harass Fox News over a recent claim about Hunter Biden’s drug use. Arriving at the country club just in time to catch the confrontation, here’s the scene that the Project Veritas plant recorded: https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/18ea9d01-4d93-4fcf-aed6-acb231268acc (yes, that’s the classic scene from Trading Places) You, what happened was that Fox News host Tucker Carlson recently tore into Hunter Biden’s…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Bill Gates, former associate of Jeffrey Epstein and founder of Microsoft, has long been worried about the dangers of “overpopulation”, and thus has demanded that the world find ways to decrease the number of new humans born each year. That’s led him to travel to Africa to promote contraception, acting like a condom-carrying Dr. Livingston, to vociferously defend abortion in America, and to even make much, much darker arguments about limiting the number of humans in the world. Some just find it eccentric and odd,…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Joe Biden was embarrassed yet again on Friday night, this night after his getting lost in the White House for the thousandth time caused a frustrated Secret Service agent to post about the incident in a Facebook live video, saying: “Here’s what’s going on inside the White House, folks. I’m in the Secret Service, so I know. The president, that moron without a single wrinkle in his brain that you fools elected, is currently lost for like the thousandth time and is probably curled…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. The Walt Disney Company found itself in hot water with parents and lawmakers yet again on Friday, this time after the release of a particularly controversial cartoon on Disney+. The cartoon, titled “How to Trans Yourself Without Your Parents Knowing” was a manual on how to obtain the puberty blockers and transgender surgery resources available to kids without the permission of their parents. The show, which is essentially an instruction guide on how to obtain those resources that is loosely disguised as an adventure story…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Faced with the tough choice of whether to spend tax dollars in America, on Americans, or to send the money abroad and deposit it in the bank accounts of every corrupt nation and leader under the sun, Congress voted near-unanimously to send the money abroad. Congressman Dan Crenshaw, hot off the heels of defending the legislature’s decision to send $40 billion to a certain corrupt regime in Eastern Europe that Google has determined cannot be named, decided to defend the decision in a ridiculous Twitter…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Jen Psaki embarrassed herself yet again, though this time the root of the embarrassment wasn’t so much a failed attempt to respond to FNC’s Peter Doocy as a crash and burn performance over at NBC, where she’d decided to head to after her time with Team Biden ended. Excited to head out of the White House and to a job that she expected to be far less difficult, as she would no longer have to attempt to explain away the delusional ramblings of a senile…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Asked about inflation during a Tuesday press conference, Biden first attempted to go with the typical “Putin price hike” line, saying: “Well that’s the thing, Jack! It’s obvious where the root cause of inflation lies: in that country that Sarah Palin can see from her back porch! “It ain’t my fault that gas prices are rising precipitously, that the US is out of baby formula, that food costs are skyrocketing, that the costs of every good from cars to houses has shot up higher than…

NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Team Biden was totally unsure how to respond when the Taliban, taking advantage of a lull in the fighting in Eastern Europe, or at least the reporting on such fighting, to get back in the news, condemned the US in the UN for what it described as “abhorrent” and “reprehensible” sex crimes against children that the US has allowed to take place with Joe Biden as president. Taliban spokesman (with no women involved in leadership, the politically correct “spokesperson” term is not used by the…

NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Fauci showed his true colors on Tuesday night when he appeared on CNN and, rather than talking about anything having to do with Covid or public health, instead badgered the network for only inviting him on twice this month. The argument began when Brian Stelter, himself getting a bit tired of the whole Fauci shtick but needing to find a way to drag cat women in front of CNN programming to drive up his ratings, welcomed Fauci to the segment but then, when Fauci started…

NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Joe Biden was in hot water yet again on Tuesday after he made what many described as a “less than tactful” comment when asked by an Axios reporter and a CNN business reporter if he had any comment on the recent stock market plummet. Swiveling toward the duo while walking away from the White House and toward the waiting helicopter, spinning up on the White House grounds as it waited to lift him to Camp David for a nice change in nap locations, Biden said:…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things got crazy for the Supreme Court and DC area generally on Tuesday when radical pro-abortion protesters took things up a notch and showed their commitment to something other than life by trying to assassinate the five conservative justices. Antifa, acting on the orders of George Soros, carried out an attempted hit, getting close to the houses of the justices by joining up with the crowds of bitter, lonely women already protesting there, and then, when the opportunity presented itself, attempting to storm the residences.…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Also, Google refuses to monetize content if it includes the name of the country that the Russian Federation recently invaded, so euphemisms will be used throughout. The legislature recently voted to send $40 billion in taxpayer dollars to some country in Eastern Europe, ostensibly for the goal of helping it defend itself from Russian invaders. Why does a random country in Eastern Europe need far, far more American taxpayer money to defend its borders than the US spends on protecting its own border from the…

Note: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things got awkward for the White House on Tuesday when one Internet activist, scrolling through videos of the anti-life protests outside Kavanaugh’s house from the night before noticed who it was that tossed the first molotov cocktail at the justice’s house, which had fortunately been evacuated earlier in the day. The internet activist, who goes simply by the name “@slimelord12” on Twitter, posted a still from the photo with the caption “looks like Slow Joe wandered into a protest.” Biden, in the screengrab image, looked…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Note 2: This article is loosely based on this hilarious Babylon Bee headline Recently, scholars and archeologists working around the Dead Sea in Israel uncovered a cache of old Jewish and Roman documents, dating from the time of Soloman to the reign of Titus as emperor. Though all the scrolls were, given their advanced age, hugely exciting and interesting finds, one has come to the fore as the most immediately relevant to our challenging times. That is a scroll in which a rare female member…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Slow Joe Biden, after giving a speech in Philadelphia about the gas price crisis and on how he was counting on frackers in Pennsylvania to start producing as much oil and natural gas as possible, Biden walked off stage. Normally, when he walks off stage he just goes back to wherever he’s supposed to wait and eats some oatmeal or takes a quick nap. In fact, he does that so regularly that the Secret Service has stopped even paying attention to where he goes, trusting…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. With investigators yapping at his heels and attempting to look into his tax situation and other matters that might be embarrassing to him, Hunter attempted to get out of trouble and out of any legal woods by “losing” his laptop during a “fishing expedition”. According to Hunter, the computer fell out of his offshore fishing boat when he was a full seven miles off the coast, and is thus unfortunately lost forever. Speaking about that, Hunter said: “Yeah, I mean, it was just an unfortunate…

NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Reports are coming out that Elon intends on becoming Twitter CEO, at least temporarily, once his purchase deal goes through and he takes the company private. That’s been much reported on and is well-known by now, particularly after Elon tweeted out a picture of himself wearing a crown as a comment to a Newsweek article on the subject. Lesser known, however, is what he intends on replacing the tame, boring “CEO” title with once he assumed the majestic purple robes and the tasteful gold diadem…

NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. It’s a little-known secret at this point that White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki will be, after she leaves her post as Biden’s whipping boy with Peter Doocy as her chief tormenter, working for an MSM outlet, probably NBC. What’s less known is that Psaki is utterly cutthroat when it comes to her job and is willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead. So, preparing herself to look really good once she makes it to NBC, she’s stopped calling on NBC reporters, stopped…