NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In yet another embarrassing moment for the Biden Administration, President Slow Joe Biden decided, when giving a speech on the White House lawn this Saturday, to start a “let’s go Brandon” chant. What happened was, Biden was attempting to discuss the state of the economy and give a speech on how things were going swimmingly in the economic realm. he pointed to the recent bump in the stock market, the relative decrease in gas prices compared to a few months ago, and the fact that…
Author: will
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things went from bad to worse for the Biden White House when, on Friday night, Biden took a fall down a long flight of stairs and, thanks to not having a life alert button on him, was not found for hours. His condition is, as of now, unclear. Kamala has attempted to seize power but, lacking popularity, has been stymied by the faction that Dr. Jill Biden is leading with the aid of Mayor Pete, who sees Biden’s favor as his sole path to power.…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things got wild at a recent press conference when Nasty Nancy Pelosi announced that the US would be looking into whether it was time to launch a war with Russia to “protect ‘our democracy’ by defending Ukraine from the people that interfered in the 2016 election.” Immediately after she made that comment, the room erupted, with reporters from every outlet, right or left, shouting questions and demanding answers about what such a war would look like, whether it would be another “police action” type conflict…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such, What’s up with the economy? You’re not the only one in the dark right now: President Brandon is pretty darn confused too. He, in a recent statement about the “danger to our democracy” of not sending $50 billion more to the Ukrainians, argued that “it made no sense” that Americans are worried about “the strongest economy ever”. Speaking on that while attempting to take a sip from a water bottle, dropping it, and then chasing it around the floor while continually, accidentally bumping it with…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things went about exactly how you would expect on Wednesday when President Slow Joe Brandon decided that now was the perfect time to start throwing threats Saudi Arabia’s way over the OPEC+ decision to cut the production of oil by a few million barrels a day. Specifically, Biden said, in a speech delivered to a collection of Saudi Arabian diplomats and military officers, UAE dignitaries, and other, related, officials: “What the heck, man? This 2 billion barrel cut is a heck of malarky, as is…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following the recent news that Hunter Biden had accepted tens of millions of dollars for his company from the Mayor of Moscow, an enterprising analyst at the Heritage Foundation decided to do a deep dive on what countries Hunter Biden has accepted money from, which countries he hasn’t been bribed by or sold his father’s influence in, and what that might show. What the report found was even more shocking than most expected. For one, the analyst, Sam Jenkins, found that of the countries America…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. As most of the United States public now knows, or is at least gradually coming to understand, President “Slow Joe” Biden is doing a far worse job for us on the world stage than former President Trump ever did. Sure, the whining ninnies in Western Europe might have complained about him being “mean” or “racist,” but those who matter took him seriously because he projected strength and seemed just crazy enough that he’d do whatever he wanted unless they proved amenable to a deal with…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Someone in a big Wall Street trading firm must have thought it would be funny to have Slow Joe Biden appear in the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange for a pre-trading day speech, as his giving a speech at the venue was arranged by his staff (a staff which many DC insiders say is not up to the task of reconciling his limited mental abilities with the many requests for him to appear) for Thursday morning. But, predictably, Biden showed up late.…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things went from “not great” to “super duper bad” when, on Tuesday night, the incredibly vapid AOC was pressed during a town hall event about her support for a defund the police agenda and whether she was rethinking that support in the wake of the brutal crime wave that has rocked America since the death of George Floyd and ensuing anti-police demonstrations and statements from leftist politicians. AOC, instead of giving a reasonable answer, instead decided to call the question “racist” and accuse the questioner…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. It’s deer season across much of of the country right now and, though hunters are quite excited about the idea of getting back in the field and bagging a buck after a long year of oiling their rifle, practicing with their bow, and scouting out locations for the coming year, they’re also worried. In fact, it’s that “bagging a buck” bit that has them concerned. Why? Because they’ve had to go through new and updated hunter’s education courses that “inform” them of the “truth” about…
NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. President Slow Joe Biden recently announced that federal marijuana possession offenders would be pardoned, saying, in a thread on Twitter: As I’ve said before, no one should be in jail just for using or possessing marijuana. Today, I’m taking steps to end our failed approach. Allow me to lay them out. First: I’m pardoning all prior federal offenses of simple marijuana possession. There are thousands of people who were previously convicted of simple possession who may be denied employment, housing, or educational opportunities as a…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Many people know that the North Koreans are “the baddies” and tend to be involved in some nasty things, whether the assassination of Kim dynasty rivals abroad or the assistance of Robert Mugabe’s takeover of Rhodesia and turning it into the communist hellhole now known as Zimbabwe. But, one thing about the North Koreans, or “Norks,” as Rush Limbaugh called them, that many Americans don’t know is that they use their embassies and consulates as drug trafficking hubs. Business Insider, for example, reported on one…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following up on its pressuring Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook to suppress the Hunter Biden laptop from hell story back in October of 2020 when that story broke and risked handing the election to Trump thanks to how horrible it made the China-connected Biden Crime Family look, the FBI is now taking yet another step to protect Slow Joe and his crackhead son from being held accountable for their crimes. What’s it doing? Scheduling “Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion” seminars on each and every day on which…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following up on Biden’s recent speech in which he claimed that everyone who doesn’t blindly support him is a “semi-fascist” that can’t be trusted to preserve “our democracy,” or something, Lloyd Austin’s woke military has decided to come in and support the president by arguing that it could take on any number of “insurrectionists” that might rally around Trump’s banner. Speaking on that matter in a statement delivered while wearing a massive BLM fist pin on his uniform while a pink-haired General Milley nodded alongside…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Recently, President Slow Joe Biden announced that all federal weed offenders would be released from prison, saying, in a Twitter thread: As I’ve said before, no one should be in jail just for using or possessing marijuana. Today, I’m taking steps to end our failed approach. Allow me to lay them out. First: I’m pardoning all prior federal offenses of simple marijuana possession. There are thousands of people who were previously convicted of simple possession who may be denied employment, housing, or educational opportunities as…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Elon Musk recently announced that his deal with Twitter would be going through at the agreed-upon $44 billion price tag, sending liberals into an absolute tailspin and freakout over the idea that the government and social media giant might no longer work together to censor dissidents pushing a message other than what the powers that be have deemed to be the truth. Particularly, the berserk leftists have been claiming that Elon, in doing away with the censorship regime, has ushered in “fascism”, or at least…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things went from angry to awkward in the Biden White House on late Tuesday night when hackers (the CIA, NSA, DIA, FBI, and “Grey Fox” Special Forces Intelligence Unit all immediately declared the hackers to be Russian though independent cybersecurity professionals declared the hackers to be Chinese) got into the White House Twitter account and started sharing some hilarious memes and videos. First came random memes making fun of Trump voters, with the hackers posting about seven memes painting all Trump supporters as hicks and…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Things went poorly at a recent Biden rally when Biden, attempting to show his faith in the country and its support for him, tried to do a “trust fall” with the crowd of people listening to him speak. Problem is, no one attends Biden rallies. They’re even more devoid of people than the work boot section of a shoe store during a looting. And what few people were there to listen were kept far away from the president by fearful Secret Service personnel and social…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. In yet another embarrassing incident for the very, very, very, very, very liberal enclave of the elite that is Martha’s Vineyard, it turns out that the town’s residents just put up a plaque saying “diversity is our strength” on the spot from where the National Guard carted away, at the town’s behest, the fifty illegal immigrants sent there by Governor DeSantis of Florida. At first, people suspected that the town’s Twitter post about the plaque, a plaque which many found to be in extremely poor…
NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such. Following up on Biden’s utter refusal to defend the American border with Mexico and keep out the millions of illegal immigrants that are flooding into America and over the border, Team Biden has worked with its far-left allies in the House and Senate, along with their RINO collaborators, to push forward a bill that would introduce a new tax meant to pay for resettling every illegal immigrant that crosses the border. Speaking about the bill on Thursday evening to a select group of far-left reporters,…